Ever wondered how a warm, vinyl groove of Otis Redding's "Merry Christmas Baby" might duke it out with Band Aid's controversial "Do They Know It's Christmas?" for a spot on your holiday playlist? Well, strap in your sleigh bells, because that's exactly the kind of festive face-off we're bringing in this jolly jaunt through Christmas music and movies. Alongside music aficionados Mark Smith, Luke Collichio, and the ever-insightful guest from Music Relish, we're stirring the eggnog of debate, sprinkling in some hearty laughs, and, yes, even airing a few grievances in true Festivus style!
This episode isn't just your average sleigh ride over well-trodden snow; we're taking you on a globetrotting journey to the Philippines and back, reflecting on how holiday music hits home, no matter where you find yourself in December. From the modernized lyrics of John Legend's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" to the life-changing journey that had me flying high over a snowy St. Louis with The Pretenders crooning in my ears, we're unpacking the stockings full of nostalgia, culture, and those Christmas songs that make us cringe just as much as they warm our hearts. And it's not all about the tunes—we've got Christmas movies on the bill too, from the dark and emotional to the downright bizarre.
So, whether you're wrapping gifts or roasting chestnuts by the fire, let us be your holiday soundtrack. We're dishing out movie recommendations that'll have you pondering the cinematic history of Mrs. Claus, debating the cultural nuances of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," and reflecting on the power of music and film to shape our holiday experiences. Don't be a Scrooge—join me, Scott McLean, and the gang for a holiday hootenanny that promises more twists and turns than a tinsel-tangled Christmas tree.
Ever wondered how a warm, vinyl groove of Otis Redding's "Merry Christmas Baby" might duke it out with Band Aid's controversial "Do They Know It's Christmas?" for a spot on your holiday playlist? Well, strap in your sleigh bells, because that's exactly the kind of festive face-off we're bringing in this jolly jaunt through Christmas music and movies. Alongside music aficionados Mark Smith, Luke Collichio, and the ever-insightful guest from Music Relish, we're stirring the eggnog of debate, sprinkling in some hearty laughs, and, yes, even airing a few grievances in true Festivus style!
This episode isn't just your average sleigh ride over well-trodden snow; we're taking you on a globetrotting journey to the Philippines and back, reflecting on how holiday music hits home, no matter where you find yourself in December. From the modernized lyrics of John Legend's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" to the life-changing journey that had me flying high over a snowy St. Louis with The Pretenders crooning in my ears, we're unpacking the stockings full of nostalgia, culture, and those Christmas songs that make us cringe just as much as they warm our hearts. And it's not all about the tunes—we've got Christmas movies on the bill too, from the dark and emotional to the downright bizarre.
So, whether you're wrapping gifts or roasting chestnuts by the fire, let us be your holiday soundtrack. We're dishing out movie recommendations that'll have you pondering the cinematic history of Mrs. Claus, debating the cultural nuances of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," and reflecting on the power of music and film to shape our holiday experiences. Don't be a Scrooge—join me, Scott McLean, and the gang for a holiday hootenanny that promises more twists and turns than a tinsel-tangled Christmas tree.
Well, here we are, episode 128, I think and on this episode it's our Christmas show Me and the wrecking to Max Smith, luke, alicio, music Relish show YouTube channel go watch. We're going to be discussing what we think are the best Christmas songs, the worst Christmas songs. Talking about Christmas movies, I have a I have a beef with some Christmas songs that you guys are going to have no choice but to listen to. Festivist time. I got a problem with you people and I'm going to vent it tonight. So sit back, relax, enjoy our Christmas slash Festivist show. It's going to be great.
Speaker 2:The KofB Studio presents Milk Creates and Turntables a music discussion podcast hosted by Scott McLean. Now let's talk music. Enjoy the show.
Scott:Thank you, amanda, for that wonderful introduction as usual. Beautiful, young Amanda, little miss Christmas getting all excited for this weekend. Although she's an older teenager now, she still has the Christmas spirit and that's a beautiful thing. And yes, welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. And welcome to the podcast. You know the name, I'm not going to say it. So right now we are streaming live over YouTube, twitter, twitch. Well, x, I still do that X D live. I'd have a Facebook, couple pages on Facebook. We're live. We're live all over the place and it's our Christmas show tonight, so it's going to be very light. A lot of, a lot of complaining, though I'm just warning you right now. A lot of complaining, not pulling any punches because Christmas song supposed to be nice To me. They can't be criticized. It's like I criticized Mark Smith all the time and Luke Alicchio helps me. We talk about Mark all the time. Bring it on. Bring it on. You don't want that, son. What's up, scott? Good evening gentlemen. Merry Christmas.
Lou:Merry Christmas.
Scott:Lou's got his orb going above him. That looks good, lou, my Christmas orb. Yeah, yeah, you may show. You're not in backwards land, right, camera's right. You got that little tip. We back Marks Mark Smith for the podcast. This looks like he's wearing a blazer tonight. Yeah, looks like he's dressed for the show. He's dressed for the occasion. Hey, I dress up for Christmas. Lou has his typical neutral colors on Right.
Lou:It's actually, it's maroon. They're just neutral color.
Mark:Lou right, You're a maroon.
Scott:And I got my Morrissey my Morrissey Christmas t-shirt that I love Nice.
Lou:Yeah.
Scott:Yeah and yes, gentlemen, so real quick before, while you know we're letting I know the podcast listeners are like, here we go. We have to let people come into the live stream for a minute. So I'm, mark, what are you doing on Christmas Eve and Christmas? Christmas Eve, I'm sorry. Mark, no, not really. Just go ahead and finish your story. I'll probably watch these guys live or pool.
Mark:You know what I'll be doing Christmas Eve.
Scott:What's that?
Mark:Getting the food. I always wait till the last minute. Ah, that's the way I am.
Scott:It's the card up there. Oh, here we go. Big head Todd Stockman is back.
Lou:Yeah, he's back.
Scott:I am here, entertain me. We must Christmas, yeah, and he's here today. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
Mark:I'm here for some Christmas and he's here at the beginning.
Scott:He's here at the beginning. Yep, oh, it's going to be a good show, todd Stockman. Yes, so, but we're not going to engage you right now.
Mark:I'm listening to, so, mark you said you're going to get the food, and then what Come home?
Scott:Figure out how to cook it. This guy's fucking exciting, isn't he? Oh, I'm a ball I'm going to go get the food. I'm going to come home the door, I'm gonna walk in them and bring the bags into the house with the food. I'm gonna put them up on a table and unpack the bags with them.
Mark:I'm gonna bring them up the stairs and I have to catch my breath. I can have some.
Lou:I can have some spiced yellowtail chardonnay oh what, I'm gonna forget to get it and realize I can't get it on Christmas.
Mark:I'll have to go down to Jersey. There's one store open in Jersey on Christmas and you know which one is Lou.
Lou:And he's looking to work there. Yeah, I was the manager, okay.
Mark:We're quiet at Christmas. We're very quiet. We don't do anything.
Scott:Big head Todd the wet sprocket says oh, and you owe me a dollar for every F bomb you drop in the show. Yes, Fuck you.
Lou:Yes, only a dollar, that's one.
Mark:I'm gonna keep track.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Lou:Yeah.
Scott:The check's in the mail and you know what the other line is.
Lou:I won't come in the mail. I mean.
Scott:Hey, now it's Christmas show, Lou oh sorry, I'm ill. What do you have to be more exciting than Mark?
Mark:Everybody is a flea is more exciting than me.
Scott:Hey, I'm not a flea in your circus, mr Smith, that's right, that is right.
Lou:I'm a Sunday. I don't normally work Sundays, but I do have it off. But at seven o'clock at the spiritual center I play, we have a Christmas service 13 songs. I'll be drumming, singing and playing guitar. I'll be attending, and yet it'll be live stream and after that I'm going to come home. On. My son is coming over Christmas afternoon. I think we're going to do a surf and turf. I think it's steak and lobster day. Nice, yeah, yeah, and some good wine, of course.
Scott:Plus Mark. What do you have on? Oh, I'm sorry, keep going.
Lou:Yeah, that's pretty much. It Just going to relax and just watch Christmas movies and do that thing. Hey, I enjoy.
Scott:Mark, what do you eat on Christmas day?
Mark:This year we are going to eat probably a pot roast. Okay, this is the most boring Roast the beast.
Lou:Yeah, I did grunt chat, it's Christmas.
Mark:Roast the beast Because last year we had a big pork butt.
Speaker 5:And yeah we do.
Scott:Yeah, you slow cook it to you cooking in the oven. How do you do it? Oven.
Mark:But I do cook it low. You got all the time in the world. Isn't that the beautiful thing about holidays?
Scott:I got a great great slow cooker recipe for Boston.
Mark:but apple to hold, it's easy and it's good as hell, man, I got a slow cooker. Can you text it to me or send it to me?
Scott:I certainly will. Yes, I will, it's in it's. It's a home run every time, buddy.
Lou:All right, boston, butt is what part of the pig? I don't know it's a shoulder taste that part.
Scott:It is a taste.
Lou:It's a shoulder I don't want to call it, but that's all.
Scott:That's right, you have the bone. The shoulder blade thing is in there. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be cooking Mars lasagna, my mother's lasagna.
Speaker 5:Nice.
Scott:I'm going to be cooking on Christmas Eve the thing, and then I take every opportunity, I, I, I have a turkey dinner on Christmas at every chance I get Okay. Turkey with him with him in lasagna. This is going to be I think too big, heavy, big, and this is like oh, I love lasagna.
Lou:That's not like what my mother would do. Should we cook Italian and American?
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, in the for everybody, yeah.
Scott:Yeah, and you know you got a little kind of secret recipes to throw in and the flavor and all that good stuff I haven't. I usually put pecorino inside the, the ricotta, Okay.
Lou:I can't find it.
Scott:I can't. It's fucking.
Mark:I don't know what's going on. Come up to Pearl River. We got plenty.
Scott:Shit's expensive too.
Mark:Yeah, it's the pecorino family. They're controlling it.
Scott:Yeah, all right. So, gentlemen, let's get right into this, let's get ready to this. I guess we'll do a little round robin of favorite Christmas songs. Favorite Christmas songs. I have a list of the greatest Christmas songs, but I'm sure huh, it's a big list.
Lou:I mean, there's a lot of great Christmas music.
Scott:So you know there's a difference between Christmas songs and holiday songs, right?
Mark:Yeah, holiday songs encompass New Year Thanksgiving. The encompass the whole time.
Scott:Holiday songs technically could go through like walking in a winter wonderland. That could be in November, that could be in January. No direct reference to Christmas. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. I mean all those songs that they they, they mix them in. So, people, I only found this out, the I would. Okay, I came to the realization, like four or five years ago, that there's a difference. My whole life I never really knew there was a difference between holiday music and Christmas music.
Mark:That's interesting. I never saw that either.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, but there really is, but it's been so inter intermixed. Yeah, um that, we just assume it's all Christmas music.
Lou:Right, well, because it's it's playing during that month. For the most part, yes.
Scott:Yes.
Lou:Come, come January, the stuff's all over coming, coming New Year's it's all baby.
Scott:It's cold outside. It could be played all winter.
Lou:Yeah, it's such a creepy song. Now get the fuck. You know I'm very fucking penalty box.
Scott:I'll come up with that, mark. Don't you start, don't you start three, four.
Mark:I feel like the librarian here. Yeah Well, I'm sure Todd's counting. I'm counting Todd.
Scott:Uh, big head. Todd the Wetspocket said I'm going to watch my kids open presents in the morning and then the friend's house. Thanks for asking. Well, we didn't really ask, todd, you should have. I'm a big head, let's, let's bring Lou back in, okay.
Lou:I was joking. You better be joking. Me and my son were talking about that song.
Scott:So what we're going to do? You know what let's? Let's just, let's just delay it right here. Speaking of that song, you fucking never hear the disgusting fucking version that John legend did. He redid it like in 2020, during the big woke movement.
Lou:I like that. I haven't heard it. I liked it. Oh, you so did. Does he not slip, or roofie in the penalty box?
Scott:Even fist for saying he fucking likes this Cause. I'm going to read the lyrics. I'm going to read the lyrics, okay, and we're going to break down. Baby, it's cold outside.
Scott:The disgusting John John legend is such a beta male too, jesus. So, okay, let's see. So it, uh, I don't know. Uh, he does it with with Kelly Clarkson, right, it says I really can't stay. And then every the refraining, his, refrained, his baby, it's cold outside. And she says I got to go away, but I can call you a ride.
Scott:John legend says right, this evening has been, uh, let me see. Uh, I can go away. This evening has been. And he says I'm so glad that you dropped in, so very nice. Time spent with you is paradise. She says my mom will start to worry. I'll call the car and tell him to hurry. My daddy will be pacing the floor. Wait, what are you still living at home for? He tries to get cute there, so really, I'd better scurry your driver. His name is Murray, in other words, you call her an Uber, right, but maybe just a half a drink more. That's what she says. Oh, we're both adults. Who's keeping score? What will my friends think? I think they should rejoice If I have just one more drink. It's your body, your choice, this motherfucker. How the fuck do you put that in that song?
Scott:How the fuck do you put that in a song?
Speaker 5:Are you kidding me?
Scott:How the fuck do you put that in a holiday song? You got to squeeze that shit in, don't you? If I have one more drink, it's your body, your choice. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? What a piece of shit.
Mark:beta male, that trash he reinterpreted it and he said, if he was in that situation, what he would do.
Scott:What the fuck does your body, your choice, have to do with? Hey, I'm waiting for my Uber.
Lou:So he made his pitch and he struck out it ain't over yet. Yeah.
Scott:But, how the fuck do you put it in your body? Your choice? You fuck this piece of shit. Oh, you really know how. See, yeah, oh you really know how. Then he says your eyes are like starlight, now to cast a spell. One look at you. Then I felt, oh, I ought to say no, no, no, sir. He says then you really ought to go, go, go. At least I'm, at least I'm going to say that I'm tired. Well, murray, he just pulled up outside. I really can't stay. I understand, baby, baby, it's cold outside. It's simply. I simply should go text me when you get home. Oh, I'm supposed to say no, I guess that's respectable, this fucking guy did, let it go.
Scott:You take no, no, no, this is you took a fucking classic song, a classic, all time classic song, and he makes it woke for, and I want to know. I want to know who this current audience is like. You know for this current crowds that they always say they're not existed. Once Twitter went away, that whole thing went away.
Lou:And I think they still exist.
Scott:Yeah, well, this welcome has been. I've been lucky that you dropped in so nice and warm, but you better go before it storms like my sister will be suspicious. Well, gosh your lips, look delicious. My brother will be there at the door. Oh, he loves my music, baby, I'm sure what the fuck, she's going back to Mary's place first.
Scott:My gossipy neighbors? For sure I'm a genie. Tell me what you wish is. Hi, I'm a genie, but maybe just a cigarette. Well, who the fuck still smokes? First of all, like when are you with the girl that smokes for? So she's a pig.
Speaker 5:She's nasty. She's nasty, mary.
Scott:She's going to ask you a breath.
Lou:This is right, this is this is.
Scott:I'm just saying oh, that's something we should probably explore. I got to go home. Oh, baby, I'm well aware, say lend me a coat. Oh, keep it, girl, I don't care, that's a nice guy, you've really been grand. I feel it when you touch my hands. Oh, don't you see, I want, I want you to stay. It's not up to me. There's bound to be talk tomorrow while they can talk, but what do they know? At least there will be plenty implied. Oh, let them mind their business and go. Ma'am, I really can't stay, Baby, just go. It's cold, it's cold. Oh, I just want to go. It's cold outside. Biggest piece of garbage ever put on the radio. Takes a classic song and rewrites it with some woke white liberal female in Hollywood and they make it all for the modern audience.
Scott:It's never going to. You know what? It doesn't get played. I can think never gets played. It played for that one year because all the stations were afraid of the Twitter mob. Right that that Twitter is gone, it's X now. Yeah it's shit All right what do we got. James Alton said wow, scott is on fire. Love it, thank you. Thank you, james. How do you like that Mark?
Mark:I love it. James is my teacher. He's my mentor.
Scott:Well, he's, he's. He's on my side, he's on team Scotty he loves all of us. Merry Christmas, maki, maki, maki. Yeah, scott and Lou, this might be your best pod show face purple. Crying person Turquoise.
Mark:We'll talk tomorrow, James.
Scott:I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about.
Mark:Can we?
Scott:move on. Can we get past that garbage right there? You're the one that brought it up.
Mark:No, you brought it up.
Lou:Now, you brought it up. No, no, no, you brought it up, not me, you I brought it up.
Scott:You know it, little penalty box, christmas penalty box again. Just because it's Christmas, so I can be Scrooge. I can be Scotty Scrooge, scotty Scrooge. Yeah, hey, I'll lose back. Oh, caught him drinking the whiskey. There you go. Yeah, all right, where were we? All right, we'll do a little round robin. I have a, I have my little. I have actually a pretty good Spotify playlist. I put this playlist together every year and I can never find it, so I always have to remake it, right? So let me start off my favorite. I think you've got. You guys heard this last year and you've heard me talk about it and I recently sent it to you guys. But my favorite Christmas song is a fairy tale of New York by the Polans.
Mark:Yeah, yeah, and you got me into it. I never heard it until you told such a great story.
Scott:It's in like it's like four chapters right, yeah, you know verses, but their chapters of their life, of their time, it's just such an amazing. That guy was brilliant man. Shane McGon was just beautiful, brilliant.
Mark:He was and it's, so he's gone.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, all right, luke, give me, give me one of your favorite Christmas songs.
Lou:Father Christmas, the Kings, ah yeah.
Scott:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5:Beat you up for.
Lou:Christmas Rock. That's my favorite Christmas Rock, so I'm a little traditional. I'm a real traditional, it becomes a Christmas music, but I always liked that one you know it's a great story.
Scott:You know, give all the toys to the little rich boys.
Lou:That's right, robin Hood, yeah, roughing up the Salvation Army, santa Claus.
Scott:Yeah, cause, yeah, he's collected money and you know well, give us your money, that's right, don't waste it on them.
Lou:We'll beat you up.
Scott:Yeah, With the kicks like the original punk band where they kind of punk in a way Hard rock punk.
Mark:They had a punky attitude, but they had hard rock before there was hard rock. I think, yeah, yeah.
Scott:I always thought they were kind of. They never get really caught talked about in that.
Mark:I was talking to Lou and Perry on the milk crates.
Scott:I keep doing that I was doing again yeah.
Mark:You're clucking the show buddy and we were talking about how the Beatles were doing their thing and the Stones were actually heavy on some of those early albums and the Kinks it's heavy stuff, you know, yeah, yeah, all right, mark, give me a Christmas song, okay. Really quick, really quick. I have favorite Christmas albums Keith Emerson's Christmas album Fucking Ah. John Denver's Christmas album I'm sorry, asping Glow. Great. Larry Carlton, the man behind Steely Dan, put out a great Christmas album.
Scott:Are they? Are they? Are they remakes of the original?
Mark:songs. Now he does. The Christmas song is Winter Wonderland, silent Night. It's kind of a smooth jazzy but it's real jazz. It's worth checking out on when I like it.
Scott:I'm not a jazz guy but I love Christmas music. You know I've been listening to Christmas music since the week before Thanksgiving.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Scott:I listen to it every single day and listen to Christmas music.
Mark:Yep, oh, the other one is this we agree, this is all that's.
Scott:yeah, that might be the greatest Christmas. Very special Christmas, the first one yeah. So there was a resurgence of Christmas music in the 80s. So we are whole. You know there was some in the 70s, but we grew up with the classics from like the 50s and maybe the 60s, right Even earlier. The 40s, yeah, Christmas music. Then the 80s, all these bands just had this big resurgence of Christmas songs, which.
Mark:I thought was great. I think the very special Christmas really helped.
Scott:It certainly that launched it.
Mark:Yeah, yeah, how many you know, you know a lot of bands wanted to be on that album. Yeah, yeah.
Lou:You know that's a compilation.
Mark:Yeah, it was for the Special Olympics and ended up doing this. Like every year, there's tons of them.
Scott:Yeah, but nothing's like the original one.
Mark:The original is the best, yeah.
Scott:Did Lujas say compilation.
Lou:Is it compilation? No, I don't want to be Jack.
Speaker 5:I'm going to leave you alone. I'm going to be no, I'm going to be Jack.
Scott:I'm going to be. I'm not going to be Jack, by the way, Jackson, Hello.
Mark:Oh, I did have something for Jack. Ha, ha ha.
Scott:For Jack, let me take the picture. I got to take the picture, hold on.
Mark:Okay, you.
Lou:You.
Scott:He'll love that. He's at. Uh, he's at, uh, andrea Bocelli tonight, the one that got canceled, and uh, that night he went. He went a couple of weeks ago, three weeks ago, and then evidently Andrea Bocelli couldn't, couldn't, uh see his way to the stage.
Speaker 5:Oh ever.
Scott:Ever, ever. So it's like spinal tap. So they canceled the show, like while everybody was in their seats. But it's a redo tonight. It's a redo. I still think the guy gets more credit just because he's blind. Yeah.
Mark:Yeah, yeah, uh, talk to you all right now. Try to see it my way. All these songs are coming to my mind.
Scott:Yeah, uh, big head Todd the way it's broken said uh hey, scott, wasn't Shane McGowan born on Christmas day? Very good, he was. Wow, good stuff from big head Todd and him what city is he from, or is it just a town?
Mark:Who to uh Shane McGowan?
Scott:uh, you know, me and Jack had this argument before. I know he's Irish, he's a virus descent. Yeah, and he was. He, me and Jack had this big argument. We could go into it, but I believe he lived in Ireland. He moved to England, moved to London or something like that.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Scott:When he was little, but you know, always had the Irish roots. So did you give a song mark or did you?
Mark:Yeah, I'm going to give you um your your song that you sang to Jack so well last Christmas by Wham. That is a great song.
Scott:Last Christmas I gave you my heart. You know that video next day you gave it away this year to you, yeah, and he went nothing to do there. I love George Michael, Don't get me wrong. You know I do. You know I was a big fan. I was a big fan of George Michael. I had no problem with that. The guy was pure talent. Crazy as a sprayed roach, but he was fucking talented.
Mark:Crazy as a sprayed roach.
Scott:Yep, yep, um, so I'm going to go with this one.
Scott:So there's a little story behind this. 2000 miles by the pretenders, right? So back in December of 87, it's coming up on the anniversary. Actually, I believe it was like December. What's today's date? December 20th, I think it's tomorrow.
Scott:Um, I started my flight to the Philippines, right, so I got through all my trainings and I went home on leave and I was, I was leaving to go to the Philippines on decide, I believe, december 21st, and so I had to fly from Logan and Boston to St Louis, and then St Louis is where you pick up what they called the freedom bird or the flying flying tigers. Right, had a contract with, uh, evidently, the military, and they would fly, you know, uh, airmen or soldiers or Marines or whatever. In this case it was a plane full of airmen, um, flyers, from St Louis to the Philippines. So we, uh, we take off and it's a regular flight, it's not a military flight, it's just full of military people, right, and uh, we take off and it was snowing in St Louis and I had my headphones on and this song comes on as the planes flying and, kind of, I'm in the right side, so it kind of starts to bear.
Scott:And I just looked down over the city and it's just covered in white and it was so fucking cool and I'm listening to the Christmas song and I'm about to embark on the greatest journey of my life and I had no idea. I had no idea what I was about to get into. There was no way you could have, uh, told me that, what, what that place was going to, how that place was going to change my life, I never would have believed it. But yeah, flying over that, and then, um so, just to kind of finish that off, a couple days later, so I we land, it's like a 28 hour flight or something, and we went, like LA up to Alaska, alaska, over the two stops in Japan. So it was a long, long flight. And, um, so I, I, I get off the plane and my buddy picks me up and we go downtown and it's crazy, you see all these, all Filipino start celebrating Christmas like after, uh, after Halloween.
Speaker 5:It's big Catholic country, isn't?
Scott:it, yeah, and there's no Thanksgiving there, so they start putting that stuff up at least in October. Oh, you were in heaven then. Well, yeah, it was, it was fun, until they always say don't go off base when you first get there, don't go off base alone. So I wasn't about to do that. And so Christmas Eve rolls around and we were in this threat con Bravo, threat condition Bravo, which means we were in a you know one day off and it was just kind of cause they had just killed some Americans a month before. And uh, I'm sitting in my dorm room alone I only know two people, maybe three, but Todd Todd was there, but he lived off base and uh, I'm drinking Brandy eggnog by myself on Christmas Eve. I love the Brandy eggnog back in the day and, uh, I'm reading it, my Stephen King, and I'm in this and I am fucking so depressed. I mean, I really was. I was so bummed out, I was homesick. Yeah, I was like this fuck, you know, like I know what's going on back home and halfway around the world.
Scott:Yeah, and I'm half, literally halfway across the place, 16,000 miles away, right, and uh, I'm just kind of, I'm just really missing everything. But I again, I had no idea what was going to await me after Christmas. You know, christmas day was uneventful dormitory, and you know I wasn't working yet, so cause I still had the in process and so it was just kind of a that was kind of a sad. That's the only Christmas that, uh, when I was over there, that was the first Christmas I ever missed, you know. So it was uh, you know, but it was worthy, it was worth it in the end. It was worth it and uh, I, uh I came out of it with flying colors, but those that night was very depressing, very sad Christmas.
Mark:But yeah, okay. But you ended up falling in love with the country I did.
Scott:It's been a part of my life since the day I landed literally continuously, at the best mayonnaise in the world. All right, Lou, give me a song, buddy.
Lou:Uh, let's see Merry Christmas baby. The Otis Redding version, not Bruce Springsteen's. Ah, that's a good version. Not a big fan of Bruce's Christmas material.
Scott:I don't mind it. I don't mind the Merry Christmas baby.
Lou:I like Santa Claus is coming at him, or whatever.
Scott:I don't want to do.
Lou:Yeah, you know.
Scott:But being run from James Austin. Just an interesting topic. My brother just married a lovely Filipino a beautiful lady. Yeah, interesting. Yep, mark will tell you my story one day. James had two, both named Raquel. I lost my first wife, so that's wasn't a divorce. Everyone assumes that and I'm like I kind of have to correct that.
Mark:And then they feel really bad. Exactly, and I enjoy that.
Lou:I enjoy making them feel unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Mark:Um, all right, Uh, Mark give me a song Christmas all over again, tom Petty.
Scott:I haven't heard that one in a while.
Mark:I heard it for the first time on uh, on a serious XM, and it came on. I'm like, oh, I forgot about this song, yeah, good song.
Scott:Yeah, uh, one of my favorite songs uh it, it's hard to say it's my favorite, but it's in the top five is a Christmas wrapping by the waitresses. Yeah.
Scott:Yeah, such a great story and the tune in the. I mean, it's just a great song. And that girl like I had said before a number of times on this podcast, the lead singer looked just like my mother when she was younger. Wow, Fuckin, could be your sister. It was amazing. I saw her and I was like Holy fuck, she looks just like my mother. Unfortunately, she passed away that girl, I forget her name off him.
Scott:Uh, yeah, she passed away, but you know the waitresses. They left their mark in the Christmas world, that's for sure you know was that?
Lou:well, that was eighties.
Scott:That was definitely eighties.
Lou:Yeah.
Scott:Yeah, I think that was early, early, early eighties. So that album came out. Mark what 84?
Mark:Uh, that sounds about right. Only because I was a freshman, I think.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, I was about 84 that came out. Yeah, all right, luke, give me a second, it's their other big hit right.
Mark:They did it all in one year.
Scott:I think that other uh, I know what boys like, yep. Yeah, sucker Great saxophone, great saxophone, in most of their music.
Lou:That kid can play. I can play the sax. Yeah, what do you got, luke? Uh well, classic. I heard it today on the radio about to make a delivery. Um, you're a mean one, mr Grinch. What, what? I didn't know. My son knew this. That's not Boris Karloff doing the vocal.
Scott:He narrated the movie but he narrated it, but he didn't sing it.
Lou:Yeah, no, it's too high to sing. It's a guy named Thurrell Rabbins Croft.
Scott:Yeah, he's got a deep, deep voice a bass voice.
Lou:He was the voice attorney of the Tiger oh that's good, yeah, yeah, amongst many other things. Uh, yeah, oh yeah.
Scott:Now, now you said that I can connect that. Yeah, yeah.
Lou:Definitely. But that's just a great song, it's just, that's classic Christmas.
Mark:Yeah.
Lou:How much traditional is.
Mark:Mark. Oh, by the way, we were opposite on a shame. Mcgowan, he was actually born in England because his parents were visiting, and then he grew up in Tipperary Ireland, all right.
Scott:That's yeah, me and Jack Jack's like no, he grew up in England and I was like I'm, so I said I watched the documentary. I'm sure he grew up in Ireland.
Mark:Yeah, um, I'm going to go. I'm probably stealing this one from you, scott, so I'm sorry, but it doesn't often snow at Christmas by the Pet Shop Boys. That was an early favorite of mine.
Scott:Another one I haven't heard in a long time I never heard it at all.
Mark:It's good, it's very, very just makes you feel good.
Scott:You know the odds. The odds are like like astronomical, for it to snow on Christmas Eve like in the Northeast, yeah Like it happens like every what, every 15 years or something.
Lou:I know how many white Christmases can you remember Exactly?
Scott:I can remember, oh, I can remember some, but yeah, like every Christmas, like Wyoming for that shit.
Mark:Yeah, in this area it actually gets warm and we're going to go up to 50 on Christmas. So two years ago up here we had a Christmas Eve.
Lou:Blizzard what it does, because it's the mountains, it's all ice. Oh I went. I lived 19 miles from where I live Then where my son was with his mother and I'm her Christmas day I driving over to pick him up, we counted 25 cars all off the road. It was insane. It was fucking insane and people you know it wasn't like. You know eight, 12 inches of snow is about six inches, but it's just because of the elevations you don't go anywhere. It was insane. Yeah, it looked like a stock car rally.
Scott:Hey Lou, I think sometime in 2024, me and the beautiful Dr Vera might be taking a drive up to Asheville.
Lou:Do it yeah.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, she. I don't know where that came from, but she mentioned it. She was Asheville and because she was talking to somebody and they said it, she was yeah, I've heard of Asheville that would be so. Well, I know somebody there.
Lou:Yeah, that would be great. It would be great to see you too.
Scott:Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I'm going to steal this one from you.
Speaker 5:Mark yeah.
Scott:And I do love this song, although it is kind of a little uh testy for Christmas song.
Mark:I know what you're going to say.
Scott:Yeah, greg Lake, I believe it's even Father Christmas Beautiful lyrics. He sold me a good, they sold me.
Mark:Uh, you know what are the story of the story of the Israel. Yeah, it's basically a story, but yeah it does. And on a positive note he says Merry Christmas, whoever you know like. At the end he just says be happy.
Scott:Yeah, basically he says they sold me a dream of Christmas. They sold me a silent night. They told me a fairy story till I believed in the Israel language. He's right there.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah.
Scott:He's right there. Uh, and I believed in Father Christmas and I looked to the sky with excited eyes till I woke with a yawn and the first light of dawn and I saw him through his disguise. Yeah, see, those are lyrics. Yeah, your body, your choice, is not fucking. Lyrics in a song, the knot, especially in a holiday song, the ridiculous. Do we have to go there? I already went there.
Mark:All right, the last verse. The last verse. The last verse is very positive, I wish you a hopeful Christmas.
Scott:I wish you a brave new year. All anguish, pain and sadness, leave your heart and let your road be clear. They say they'll be snow at Christmas. They say they'll be peace on earth. Hallelujah Noel, be at heaven. Hell, this is the line right here. The Christmas we get, we deserve Christmas Carol. That could, yeah, that's. That's a. That's an interesting line right there.
Mark:Yeah, yeah. He wrote that song with Pete Sinfield, who wrote many songs with him, and there's he's got a few songs that are very atheistic. They're they're knocking religion because in England they grew up I mean, he grew up in a choir, a church choir, so yeah the Anglican church was that.
Lou:was that a solo single? Was that an album Solo?
Mark:It was a solo single, but it got released under the ELP name.
Speaker 5:Every, every new sort of the.
Mark:ELP. That's why and if you notice, there's one version where at the very end, you hear Keith come in on the piano. That's how they got Keith in there to make it.
Scott:There's some without it.
Mark:That's the solo version, so.
Scott:Yeah, and the. The video is an Israeli soldier in the desert right Trying to get home to his family.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:How apropos for what's going on today.
Mark:I should share it on. We should share it on Facebook.
Scott:Yeah.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:See, I use the word apropos.
Mark:See that.
Scott:See how I slipped that in it's very Pacific. Yeah, yeah, you have to be, you have to use that in a very Pacific way.
Lou:It's gotta be apropos to the situation.
Scott:That's right. So okay, mr Burgundy, let's give a.
Lou:give us the next song Christmas in parentheses. Baby, please come home by the great darling love.
Scott:I like that version, but. I like you too, it's version Really.
Mark:I like it. I love you too. It's version yeah.
Scott:Yeah, they do a really good job with that.
Lou:I had the pleasure and honor of escorting darling love around New York City with my friend when we worked at that club. The bottom line she was doing a show. Cool lady that was love I bet and you know the song River D Mountain High. Phil Spector's first big flop, Ike and Tina yeah, Darling loves version kills the original. I heard her not so long. I said wow, because I'm not a big fan of the Tina's version and darling love. It's so far superior, but she was great, Great singer.
Mark:All right, mark, I'm going to go with it. I'm surprised she recorded it, but since the NATO Con, her Silent Night, it's haunting, it's beautiful it makes you want to cry. And you could tell with her experience she really did put her heart and soul into that song.
Scott:I think every time she sang she did.
Mark:Sure, yeah, oh yeah, we know that. You know she never sang without feeling it, that's for sure, yeah.
Scott:Yeah, I got to go with this classic Christmas in Hollis Run DMC.
Mark:Oh yeah.
Scott:Yeah, that's a great Christmas song. It tells a good story. It's funny, you know. It's clever. It's very clever the way they wrote it, you know yep. But Christmas in Hollis. It's Christmas time in Hollis, queens, mom's cooking apples and collard greens.
Lou:Uh Lou Christmas in jail by John Prime, oh yeah.
Scott:I don't know if I've heard that one.
Lou:It's one of those tales he just getting drugs and getting locked up on Christmas, you know, in his own charming way.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:Well, that's what fairy tale in New York. He starts off.
Lou:He's in jail, he tells the whole story.
Scott:He's in jail.
Lou:I did finally listen to it, by the way. It's good right? Yeah, it's a beautiful song, yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Lou:Yeah, he looks young in the video.
Scott:Robert Kirkman, aka Dr Porkchops, is Baha. You know what I think. Go watch another live stream Christmas jerk.
Lou:He doesn't like Christmas.
Mark:I guess not, Mark we're going to go with. Christmas is the time to say I love you. By Billy Squire. I have an affinity for that song. I know he sings it rather high in falsetto, but it's still good, it's okay.
Lou:I forgot about that one. Yeah, it's okay, there's a whole video with that right. Was that for one of those MTV specials?
Mark:It was produced by Mac, who was the queen producer and produced his first album, so it was a legitimate like yeah. I think, it was a single, it was a 45. Number 45.
Lou:Yeah, but I was nursing an MTV special it was. It was almost like a variety show, I think, but he did that song. Yeah, I believe, poor Billy.
Scott:Probably the most 80s Christmas song ever. Okay, I can't find another 80s Christmas song that really, really gives you the 80s vibe, and I love this song. Wonderful Christmas time, paul McCartney, with the little thing Ding, ding, ding, ding. You know I love synth, you know I love this.
Mark:I know but that's the wrong synth. Paul McCartney, you, you're a beetle, you're gonna be a John. Lennon put out a great Christmas song you got to put out. No, he goes.
Scott:John Lennon lied.
Lou:I think they both suck.
Scott:John Lennon lied.
Mark:I hated that period of Paul McCartney. I couldn't stand.
Lou:I read a review of that song. It's not like he found a Casio keyboard in the stocking thing and it's hard to write a song.
Scott:You know it's a class, it's a class it's all over the radio.
Lou:I love it. I love it Cover too.
Scott:Young Amanda.
Lou:She loves it too. Ding dong, ding dong. Yeah, it's fun, it's a fun light song.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, but, I, love the scent, the scent that no other song.
Lou:It's so cheesy. It's so terrible.
Scott:Christmas song in the 80s.
Lou:It's like that's the 80s right there.
Scott:Oh yeah, that is like rocking around the Christmas tree. Brenda Lee has that guitar. That sounds like you haven't given much rent and stimpy.
Speaker 5:The cartoon rent and stimpy. At the beginning they got that it's like 50s.
Scott:It's that 50s like rockabilly guitar, that high twang, yeah, you know, damn damn you idiot, you that tells that. You idiot, that tells you right there that that's it, that's a 50 song, right there, you know so.
Lou:Lou. Okay, there are a Christmas song. That is not a Christmas song, but it always played during Christmas. Closer to the heart by rush. Yeah, there's nothing to do with Christmas, it just sounds like a Christmas song.
Mark:And he W and New York plays it.
Lou:It's got the bells in and Neil Pierce playing.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna come up, I'm gonna. When it comes my turn, I have an equal to that.
Lou:Okay, it's a great song. Oh yeah, yeah close to that.
Scott:I've never heard it around Christmas, though, but oh okay, yeah, Mark.
Mark:Step into Christmas by Elton John.
Lou:Okay, is that?
Scott:Merry Christmas.
Lou:Yeah, nice upbeat number.
Scott:Yeah, it sounds like old Elton to. Yeah, it does, you know you know what I'm fucking sick of. I've come to the conclusion this year. I am sick of fucking Elvis Presley Christmas songs. I don't like them. I in that, have a blue Christmas. I really despise that song. Really, it's one of those songs that just I had this epiphany like I don't fucking like this song. I don't know why I've been faking it all these years. I don't like this song.
Scott:I never listen to the full. I never listen to it all the way through unless it's in the background. Yeah, but I don't like that song.
Mark:Yeah, I had on my list of songs I don't like.
Lou:Robert Kirkman's a.
Scott:Grinch. What does he say when you work for the post? Office, you learn to hate Christmas. Well, you know what you get the Christmas you deserve.
Lou:When you're working retail, you can learn to hate Christmas too. We get the Christmas we deserve.
Scott:Yeah, you don't like it. It don't like you.
Lou:How's that Lump a call.
Scott:Yeah, um, yeah, lou. So I've talked about this last year. It's not a Christmas song, but I always it always feels like a Christmas song to me. So it always goes on my prela, my playlist. Life in the northern town by the dream. You've said that before. It just has to me, it has a Christmas feel to it. Just at the beginning you hear the yeah right, the wind.
Scott:then at one point they mentioned and you know, went to 1963, although you know it's kind of he's in there in the springtime of the summer or whatever, but it just, and I grew up in and we all grew up in a northern town, you know, and it just, I don't know why, and there's the bells in it, like close to the heart, right, and it just gives me a Christmas feel. So I always put it in my, uh, in my Christmas playlist, but it really doesn't have anything to do with Christmas.
Lou:Right, that's a summer song to do, but I get. I get the vibe that you're feeling from that.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, uh, let's, let's hit a couple more. Lou.
Lou:Uh, let's see, it's an old classic. My mom used to sing this a lot. Uh, what child is this? Green sleeves? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great melody, beautiful melody. Yeah, yeah, mark, and she had a beautiful voice, my mother.
Mark:So it's kind of sappy, but Brian Adams recorded a song Christmas time. Do you remember that?
Scott:Yeah, I like it. It is kind of sappy yeah.
Mark:It just appeared, had a nice melody. I am a sucker for a melody.
Lou:It's not ringing. It's not ringing a bell. You know it. If you heard it, you know yeah.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:Um, dave Phillips, King of the 45s, gives Paul McCartney a thumbs down. Well, you know what? If I could put you in the penalty bar, right, dave Phillips, I would thumbs up to Dave. You know what? You know what? Just because, just because of you, dave Phillips, mark goes in the penalty box. How's that? He's going to serve your time. Every time, every time you wise off, dave Phillips, mark goes in the penalty box. How's that? So if you, really, if you like Mark, you better be good for goodness sake.
Lou:So Dean just posted a. It's a New Year's Eve song.
Scott:Uh what. Same old angzine yeah, it's a New Year's Eve song, yeah. Played it Christmas, though, but it's played at Christmas and New Year's. I've always heard it at New Year's. I know that. How about?
Lou:George Harrison's uh ring out the old ring in the new.
Scott:Yeah Well, why don't we wait for the New Year's songs for that?
Lou:Yeah, I can't look around corners, man, that's like a, I can't look around.
Scott:I'm going to go with this one. I always love this song. Oh it's, it's a lie. It's a big lie. Even Paul McCartney called it a lie. But uh, happy Xmas. War is over.
Mark:It's a great song.
Scott:I do I just?
Mark:I always I just should have put that kind of work into his song Paul's doing, doing doing doing.
Scott:Paul had fun, Paul was, John was all serious.
Mark:Now Paul was getting stoned at a Casio going ha ha, doing, doing, doing, doing yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 5:And the cover of the album.
Mark:I hate to cover that album. What the hell is he doing? I like to cover.
Lou:He's doing that, paul face. I know, I know. You know, did you guys see the picture of the, the Beatles boys that put on my Facebook page? Yeah, yeah, they look. They're just their clones of their fathers.
Scott:Yeah, hey, I want to talk about one, one quick song, and it's not even a Christmas song, it's one of those holiday songs, right? I want to kind of break it down a little, so, and I'm going to try to, I'm going to try to do this in the voice of Christopher walking. Okay, I want to try. All right, bear with me.
Scott:So, frosty snowman, he's a snowman, right, but how does he become a man? It's all because of the hat, that hat. Kids, they find that hat. You don't know, you don't know where that hat came from, but I can tell you they know where it came from. So that hat once belonged to a soldier. Or he wasn't just any soldier, he was a killer, sorry at all. He lived the wars. He ate the wars, he ate them Through it all. He comes out, he's out Angry, angry as his hat In one day, in a dementia ridden rage, throws the hat, throws it away. So the kids pick it up. You see, these kids, they built a snowman, right, get a button nose, get charcoal eyes. They take this hat and they put it on him. He comes alive.
Scott:He was frosty. But see, frosty wasn't angry, like like the man. Frosty, love these kids, love them. He decided he's going to play with them. But you see, it was a sunny day. Frosty knew, he knew he was going to play with these kids. It was a suicide mission. I mean he's not going to make it, but he knows it's for the kids. He's wearing the hat of a warrior.
Scott:So frosty, frosty goes on plays with those kids, plays with them all day. They throw snowballs, they laugh. He's laughing Until it starts. You see, frosty started to melt and he knew this. Frosty knew this. Now he had it. Frosty had an option. He could. He could stay there and and melt in front of these children and traumatize them.
Scott:Frosty, oh, frosty's a soldier. He's going to die a soldier's death. He's wearing the hat, he's got the corn called pipe. It's like the MacArthur of snowmen. So frosty tells the children I got to go, I'll be back again someday. But frosty knew no, there was no coming back, this was a suicide mission. But he did it for the kids.
Scott:So frosty, frosty ducks out, gozana finds a location it's a way from everybody and in his last he stopped melting with a horrible death that must be melting. In his last act of defiance, frosty, who takes his snowman chin, looks at the sky, looking at the sun, his enemy looking at his enemy straight in the eye. Frosty raises his snowman arm and gives his mental finger to the sun and says Fuck you, fuck you, son. And he died, died right there. But Frosty went out with honor and dignity. That's important in a snowman's life, and to die with dignity, too many snowmen. They just they have no dignity. They're dirty. In the end they're nasty and all that's left is a button nose and some charcoal eyes, and but not Frosty. Frosty went out like a snowman. That's the end of the story. He's brilliant.
Mark:Good one, that was improv.
Speaker 5:That was improv, that was improv man. What?
Lou:the hell you went. You went a little. Jimmy Durante there a couple of times, yeah well, he was the voice of some frosty.
Mark:So you know what are we gonna have story time with Scott on YouTube.
Lou:He's just in front of a fireplace, yeah that's the story of. Frosty's snowman.
Scott:All right, let's get into the songs we don't like.
Mark:I got a few.
Scott:Christmas songs we don't like.
Lou:That's a short list for me.
Scott:Yeah, well, you know we're already at our almost an hour into it, so it might be good.
Lou:I did hear one of the crappiest things of all time tonight. What's that? Oh, what's it called? Um, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Oh, it's a back. John Bon Jovi's verse of backdoor Santa. Oh my God.
Mark:Oh poor, that's on this album. That's the cover, that's right, yeah.
Lou:Oh, and his whole beginning. He's trying to sound like Bruce Springsteen.
Mark:Okay, boys, he's not Bruce. No, no, he's not.
Scott:So we all know that he's, he's, he's aged into an old lesbian, right, we all know this right. But if you've seen Grace Slick lately, she looks like an old gay man. She's alive, she looks horrible. Holy smokes, it's like what happened to you, dude.
Mark:She looks like if you were delivering something she answered you would just run. You would just run. She looks scary.
Scott:No, Janice Joplin at this point, compared to what Grace looks like, is maybe good looking Grace look. It's bizarre looking right now.
Lou:She's got really short hair now, doesn't she?
Scott:Or no, she has this giant. It's like a job of the hut neck. She's no chin line. It's like she's melting into their into herself.
Lou:And she always had crazy. She always had crazy eyes.
Scott:Well, that's the least of her problem. You know what she looks like in.
Mark:What was the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie where he goes to Mars? Who was that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember, he said the woman, yeah, and he just that's what it looks like the big neck.
Scott:Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, all right, mark, give me a song, you don't?
Mark:like I don't never did, like the Little Drummer Boy by Ben Crosby and David Bowie. It's forced you it's just too forced.
Scott:I know you are what the fuck I don't like. You must read Rolling Stone magazine because I put him in the penalty box. You know what Lou you call.
Lou:Lou called the shot. Sorry, mark, I love that song. That's a great song. Great song, he says it's forced.
Scott:in the story behind it there was a one taker.
Lou:Yeah, peace on earth man.
Scott:Yeah, that would. They did that one take it was a one taker Okay. Yeah, when they went into the studio they knew they were going to do it, but they recorded it and it was one take. Oh, he's back, Sorry.
Mark:He's on earth. Oh, shut up, david. Sorry, you're starting to sound like me, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5:Come on, let it out, Mark it feels good.
Mark:You know what? Maybe it's because too many people said it's amazing. He sings with a classic legend Like I just hate when people fawn over a song because of that. Hey.
Scott:Lou Dean Farron says sounded more like Christopher Walken to me. I don't think he got you Jimmy Durante joke.
Lou:Okay, that's not a banana, that's my nose, I do like that.
Mark:He said he kept his watch on his ass. Yeah, he did.
Scott:He put that there I'm comfortable, he's a metal in his ass.
Mark:And they found the watch with a huddle around.
Scott:He eventually died of dysentery but gave me that watch to give to you.
Lou:Watch that kid look like a little Bruce Willis or what yeah he did. That's a really good casting.
Scott:You know the song? My number one song is fucking ridiculous. Do they know it's Christmas?
Mark:I love it.
Scott:Feed the world, whatever.
Mark:Great song.
Scott:It's not. I thought you liked that one.
Mark:It is, it's not. I'm telling you.
Scott:I'm telling you, so let me ask you this, let me ask you this.
Mark:Then, Mark's getting the spine. Sorry, sorry, let's see.
Scott:I have it right here, so I'm going to give you a little breakdown of this. So it's, do they know it's Christmas time in African? No, they don't.
Mark:Number one I'm going to read the lyrics again. Here we go.
Scott:No, no, no. I'm not going to read the lyrics, I'm not going to read the lyrics and then there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas. You know where else there won't be snow, fucking Florida. Okay, I mean snow here.
Mark:Why are they singing about Florida? There won't be presents, there won't be anything, they won't have food.
Lou:So is it the?
Mark:metaphor for cocaine.
Scott:Is this so? First they do this thing about Africa, they sing the whole song about Africa, right, Don't think about Africa, right. But then at the end these idiots say feed the world. What's it going to be?
Mark:Africa or the world. You could say that about Father Christmas. Does he care? Does he hate Christmas or is he?
Speaker 5:like no, no, you can't compare that to.
Mark:There's no comparing.
Scott:Now this is are you feeding Africa or you fucking feeding the world? Make up our minds. Okay, and, by the way, mark, from your favorite magazine, rolling Stone, number three worst Christmas song ever Well, they do have opinions.
Scott:Well, and this is what they say, band-aid is a good name for a group of here you go, you ready, you ready for this? This is the shit that Mark reads all the fucking time. I love you, mark. I love you. You know that, but I'm just going to say it Band-Aid is a good name for a group of mostly white, mostly rich celebrities.
Lou:They're always working, no no, no Belting out a smug mess of colonialism.
Scott:What the fuck? What did we call? When? Did we call a nice fucking Africa?
Lou:Last time I checked, we didn't have any bases there, england, england they were talking about, but this is Rolling Stone.
Scott:This isn't the England version.
Mark:They were saying that the British model, largely British artists were singing.
Lou:Did you say cool and gang were unbandaid?
Mark:Yeah, look on the picture of the whole thing, yeah, they're in there, they're in there.
Lou:They're doing anything.
Scott:Oh, I'm not done yet. Mostly rich celebrities belting out a smug mess of colonialism, racist stereotypes. Where is that? That's all. Where is that in the stuff in geographic ineptitude, to quickly quote feed the world Right. I agree with this idiot there. Please don't tell us the intentions were good the way, let me see. Please don't tell us the intentions were good. That way lies the road to hell. You may already know the backstory. Bob Galdorf saw a BBC report on famine in Ethiopia and he and Midge Aray decided to write his song. Famous pals like staying Bono, george Michael, paul McCartney. He did the call to assemble in 1984. Do they know it's Christmas has been stuck in heavy holiday rotation shorts raised millions of dollars, but even Geldof calls it one of the two worst songs in history.
Lou:Bob Galdorf said that yeah.
Scott:Right. The other, geldorf told Australian Daily, is another supergroup tuned for charity. We are the world.
Mark:Worst songs. We are the world. I can't take it. I can't this one. He even says he goes it's a stupid song. Did you ever hear the Canadian version? I don't remember what it was the name of it, but get, he leaves in it and he's.
Scott:I love the heavy metal version. There was a metal. They did a metal here in a hearing aid.
Mark:Yeah, that was for actually children in Kosovo. It was through a European country. Richie Blackmore helped get it together. Yeah, that was. That was classic.
Lou:Yeah, but they have some feet the poor, consider to feed the world.
Mark:Yeah, yeah. Well, listen. Rolling Stone hates most of the music I like. I should hate him because they hate Prague. They hate a lot of stuff. They like indie. If you're an indie band, they love you.
Scott:They're the stereotypes. There's no stereotypes in that song. I've analyzed this song numerous times. There's no stereotypes in them.
Lou:I like the thing staying insistent on singing the line with the bitter sting of tears, because he did sing that line. All right, look, give me a song. Dominic, the fucking donkey.
Scott:Oh, that is, that's my. That was my next one. What an insult to the I trallions.
Lou:You know it's like it's like what's the matter? You ever hear that song.
Scott:What's the matter for you?
Lou:Yeah, yeah.
Scott:I mean, santa uses donkeys to visit his pizons because reindeer can't climb hills. Wait a minute, idiot, you stupid Italian fucking reindeer's fly, that's okay, they fly, they're not walking up the hills flying donkeys.
Lou:Yeah, I don't know if that song came out in 1960. I thought it was fairly recent, yeah.
Scott:Lou.
Lou:Monte right yeah.
Scott:And any song goes he ha ha Shut the fuck up, god awful. All right.
Mark:Mark give us a hateful Christmas song. Maybe surprise to hear me say this, because you know I'm a metalhead, but the the the Trans-Siberian Orchestra song, christmas Eve Sarajevo Dun dun dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun. It's too cliched and they used it in a BMW ad. I think you know what I'm talking about. They do parallel the bells. Yeah, yeah, just that whole trend. They came from the ashes of a band called Savatage, which I loved. They know they made money. You know they may, they knew how to make money, but it's so cliched and it's in commercials, it's everywhere. I turn it off.
Scott:Dave Phillips King of the 45 says what Dominic the donkey is my favorite. It would be.
Lou:Yeah.
Scott:You're not gonna have it. So my, my first wife and I got restless so we went to the hard rock live. It was like 2010 and we saw the Trans-Siberian Orchestra do a Christmas show. Yeah, they had a nice guy, you know nice, narrating a story and then there would be music and it was. It was a nice thing.
Scott:So we're sitting there and there's this lady sitting in front of us and there's some empty seats or something. So all of a sudden, these three young kids in Navy they're in their uniforms. This is right before Christmas, so the ship must have been in Fort Lauderdale, so they probably got free tickets. So they sit down and the guy sits. This kid sits next to this lady and she's probably in her forties at the time Mid to late forties and she starts talking to the kid. Right, she starts talking and she's not whispering, she's like fucking talking, like you and I are talking right now. So what's shippee you on in the fucking music and people in the eye. Like you know, I'm looking down the road and people are like putting their hands up, like what the fuck? Lady, right, yeah, and this goes on for like five minutes.
Scott:So finally I just lean over. I say can you keep it down a little? You know we're trying to watch the show. I didn't say it aggressively. I said, hey, listen, can you keep it down? We're trying to Because we spent a hundred bucks on these tickets. No, I actually got them for free. A friend of mine's he's on the res, he's on the reservation, he's a seminal, so he's like hey, I got these tickets for free. So he hooked me up and see, I have a very diversified friends mark.
Mark:Here we go Very diverse group of friends.
Scott:So I say to the lady, can you keep it down? And she looks at me with this fucking scowl, mm, hmm. And then she says to the kid, in that same voice, that same, like you know, normal she was. Evidently. Some people don't have respect for the uniform.
Lou:Oh, you beat her up, didn't you? No?
Scott:I should have. I lean in. I said just so. You fucking know, I fucking serve this country for 10 years. I didn't just serve this country for 10 years, I fucking carry the gun for this country. For 10 years I served overseas and I served stateside. So the next time you run your fucking mouth about saying somebody doesn't respect the uniform, you probably fucking should ask them if they've ever served first, because I did, did you, dude?
Scott:First of all, my wife just sat back. She knew what was coming, god bless. And she was just like oh, here we go. And I said it loud enough to the people around me could hear it too. And she gets all whoof, whoof and she just gets up and fucking leaves right, and people are like ah, you know, like in the music's playing right, and you see people like thumbs up in this fucking kid it's just sitting there now and he's like, oh shit, and he turns around, he goes. Sir, I apologize. So I said no, kid, you're a good man. Thanks for your service, you're good. It wasn't you, it was just Are we yourера? I have my ID and we let this cow go. I just jumped in. I was like you're like oh yeah, I've got a cell and he was like oh man, you got a cell.
Mark:What's up? Oh, you've got a cell Like what's wrong with you?
Scott:You're like oh, my dear versions, you know, are you my rear?
Speaker 5:guys.
Scott:Take what is to eat. You have thoseixò.
Lou:What does it look like?
Speaker 5:The car votes, the children vote the app and your car votes.
Mark:Did you loan him that car? You're not gonna worry about it thing, though it's a part of our society. Now I went to see Pat Matheny and during a quiet part of the show Package, very Quiet these three girls came in and they're drunk and they start talking loud like even Package Hear it. And I was at a yes Show the yes Show I saw last year. They had Roger Dean come out in the beginning. He's the guy that did all the covers, the guy that painted all those wild and he talked. That was the opening act.
Mark:Behind me, lady, I don't think these are our seats. No, I don't know where they are. Let me look at it. And she's talking. And I looked at her. I'm like people just don't understand being what's the word? Respectful? Yeah, because if you want to put it to the basic thing, like I want to enjoy the concert, but also, yes, I did pay 150 bucks for this ticket. I'll be really pissed if you're going to ruin it for me. And people get drunk and talk really loud at concerts. They paid for that ticket. They're paying absorbent fees for the drinks, you know. And then it's like come on, you know, shut up. I can't take going out anymore. Movies too, people talking movies. It's just our society.
Scott:Yeah, it's the Rolling Stone Society. Anyway, like Morrissey, they were nice people, they were a brother and sister, but they were not. They were drunk, I mean, they weren't loud, loud, but they were talking during. My question was why do you spend all this money to come to a show and you're not and you're just kind of talking during the whole thing? You know it's like do you pay to just be here? Go?
Mark:home, put a CD on, get some drinks in you and talk over the CD.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, when I saw Nick Cave, my friend Phil Kelly, who hates the Paul McCartney song by the way, he fucking's with you, he hates that song, right. So we, we were on the last two seats right at the aisle and there was a, there were two gay guys and they would kind of the next seats down and one of them kept getting up and and going to get a drink, right, and I mentioned the game because it's kind of funny at the end and the guy gets up, keeps coming back and like so we got to stand up and you know he goes and finally, like he's, my friend Phil says, yeah, get me like a jacket coke while you're there, like, and he looks at me and laughs, right. So the guy comes walking down and he has the usher with them and the ushers, like he says he bought this for you. The guy goes, hey, you know like, sorry for the sorry for all the interference.
Mark:Well, that was nice.
Scott:Well then, my friend Phil and typical Phil Kelly fashion takes sip, he goes. This isn't what I ordered.
Speaker 5:It's exactly what I ordered.
Scott:This isn't what I ordered, but during the show like people getting up and I don't get that either.
Mark:Look, I don't have the best bladder, so I actually get aisle seats, because if you have to get up, it's one thing to be on an aisle and I rush up, I crash.
Mark:You're a big guy too, but yeah, the, especially the older theaters, like up here we have every town music hall, anglewood. These are old theaters so the seats are cramped anyway and if you have to go down the whole aisle everybody has to stand up and it's like you know I feel bad. I'd rather have my back teeth swimming than go to the bathroom doing that.
Scott:Did Dave Phillips tell me to lighten up? Did he tell me? Did Dave Phillips say, it's funny, lighten up.
Lou:The Dominic, the donkey.
Scott:He told me to lighten up. Guess what. Dave Mark goes in the penalty box. See, you want to play games. Dave Mark pays the price. Somebody's going to pay.
Lou:That's not fair.
Scott:It's well, it's somebody's going to pay for his, his onriness.
Mark:Hey, I get a break.
Scott:I don't care. All right, let's get back to the Christmas show. Yeah, lou, give me another one, a song you don't like.
Lou:I didn't get a chance to hear it. I saw the title and it was shocked and appalled. It was Tony Tim. Santa Claus has got the AIDS. Oh, have you ever heard it? No, I didn't get a chance to listen to it. I was like what the hell, oh my God. I'm like I got the AIDS. That's the name of the song the name of the song and tiny Tim. So you know it's got ukulele on.
Speaker 5:See come on.
Lou:That's a blast.
Scott:Let's uh, you're going to play it. I'm going to try to find this thing. Yeah, See search.
Lou:Santa Claus has got the AIDS.
Scott:Let me see. Tiny Tim, you got it from a reindeer. Santa Claus has got the AIDS. Here we go. Let's see.
Speaker 2:Not made to make fun of anybody. This is was not made for humor. Uh, I used to do humor. It's hard to explain that this song was written in 1980 or 81,. Just lying at two, three in the morning, at two, an idea came to me. It sounded funny because AIDS was a very, very minor word, the biggest thing about AIDS is that you were born to be an agent.
Speaker 2:All this got the AIDS this year. He won't be singing, oh, he'll be yelling out no, no, no, no. The nurses all look sad. Santa's got it. I might like that song.
Lou:I guess the false, his false letter was gone at that point, but it's still good.
Scott:I might like that song. It's hilarious, oh my God, the nurses are all sad because Santa's got it bad.
Lou:Wow, that is terrible.
Scott:Santa Claus has got the AIDS. Doesn't have AIDS, he's got the AIDS.
Mark:It's like the sugar. He's got the sugar.
Scott:Yeah, oh, that's a great one. That's a great one. Give me a hug Mark.
Mark:Any version of I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus is just creepy.
Scott:I saw you stole it. I was going to say the Jackson five. I don't like, I don't like that song.
Mark:I remember I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.
Lou:There's kissing and there's also like making out with Santa Claus. Maybe she's just. You know, it's like a little peck on the Santa Claus movie that came out in 1980 called Santa Evil.
Scott:All right. And the kid you ever see it. I think so my son the kid catches his mommy given a head to Santa.
Mark:Oh no, I didn't see that one.
Scott:And he's traumatized by it, right, not the one, my son and he goes and he just as he gets older, you know it's, it's a bizarre, bizarre, demented movie. I mean, yeah.
Lou:So there's that. Well, Santa only comes once a year, you know.
Scott:Ah, let's see. Um, what else don't I like? I have another one over here. I know there's more than a few. Oh, you know what? I have a problem with fucking 12 days of Christmas. It's too long. Fucking who gives somebody 78 gifts? This doesn't, doesn't happen Right?
Mark:Too many words to remember.
Scott:if you're going to say it, Well, you know first of all, out of those 78 things, I can only use 22 of them, so about a quarter of them is all. The other three quarters is garbage to me. You're leaping lords. Do I need 12 drummers drummin? Yes, you do, no, I don't. You do I do? 11 pipers piping? What the fuck do I need them for? They're hitting the pipe man. 10 lords leaving. I don't need 10 gay guys jumping around my room.
Lou:Like the Lord of the dance, yeah.
Scott:Yeah, I wish I was leaping around.
Lou:Michael flatly.
Scott:I love gay people, don't get me wrong, but I don't need them leaping around my house?
Mark:I really don't. Michael flatly is not gay. Well, it doesn't matter, he's a good Irish boy Now now nine ladies dancing.
Scott:I could use them.
Lou:What can I almost you can make with three French hands?
Scott:I don't know, but I can use. I can use nine ladies dancing, I dance and ladies that I could. I could use, right, eight swans, this one, no, then eight maids of milk, I can use them to the fun girls?
Lou:What are milking the lords? They're fun girls.
Scott:Hey, I got rid of that.
Speaker 5:I got rid of those gifts. They didn't even make it through the door.
Scott:No, no, no. I got a house full of women Right. Then it gets, then it gets a lot of birds. This person gave their love a lot of fucking birds and bird shit. Who needs fucking seven swans, six geese? I can use the five golden rings Sure that get upon them for calling birds. What do I need? This is a calling bird, by the way.
Mark:The pigeons messenger pigeon, then just call them pigeons. I don't know, I'm just guessing.
Scott:Yes, french hands, right, three French hands. Fuck, we're going to do with those. You can eat them Two turtle doves Would it? Has anyone ever seen a turtle dove Other than Google?
Lou:No, actually I haven't.
Scott:No, no, I've seen morning doves, I've seen white doves, but I'd never seen a turtle dove in that potridge, in a pantry. Now you're getting two things you really don't need. It's a pantry for, oh my God, oh wait, that's a lot. Whoa Smokes, what.
Lou:All right, let's see.
Scott:Todd Big head. Todd the wet sprocket just said two turtle does equals the old in the New Testament. Three French hands faith, hope and check. This is a copy and paste. There's no way he's smart enough to write all this Without any spelling errors. Now, that's impossible, even with that big head. Even with that big head, tiny brain doesn't mean he has a big brain. Tiny brain, tiny brain. Theological virtues for calling birds what? The four gospels and or five evangelists, five golden rings, first, five books of the Old Testament the penta, penta, two cheeks.
Scott:What's Stanley Tucci, Stanley Tucci which gives the history of man's fallen in grade six. Get the fuck out of here with that stuff.
Mark:Hey, a weird way, it makes sense. So it's another way to church.
Scott:It's if I could. How do I get that off the screen? What's?
Lou:up the entire screen. What is a beatitude?
Mark:Beatitude. I don't learn all that stuff in Lutheran school.
Scott:I don't know. But I think it's right though.
Mark:The church fizzled religion into a song that we didn't think it's religious.
Scott:Feliz Navidad. Let me see what times it. Yeah, Dave Phillips. Every night at nine o'clock he has to go to bed.
Mark:Merry Christmas. He's going to take his pills.
Scott:He's going to take his pills. He's going to go to bed. Little warm glass of milk. Dave Phillips, king of the 45s Mark. You're safe now. You're safe. The rest of the show. I have to go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. You know what to do. You can give me my hall pass. No, all right, luke, give me one more song that you don't like.
Lou:Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Oh, I'm with you, I'm with you man.
Mark:And they say it's a new classic. They say it's a new classic. They forced down. I say it's a classic. They made the movie Maroon five Maroon five did Happy Christmas.
Scott:War is over.
Mark:Maroon five yeah, I know.
Scott:I was that garbage.
Lou:I was awful.
Scott:Oh, no one else can do that song. That's one of those songs. Nobody else can do it. I can beat you up with that. It's, to use Mark's term, it's forced. Yeah, or, as Mark said, it's forced.
Mark:May the force be with you, Scott.
Lou:May the force be with you, or like Bowie and der Bingle.
Scott:Yeah, what Luke said. Yeah, whatever he said I don't even know what he said.
Lou:Bowie and der Bingle, that was.
Scott:Bing Crosby's nickname Der Bingle.
Lou:Okay, Like I said, if you ever did a thing with guns and roses it would be called Welcome to Der Bingle penalty box.
Scott:Penalty box.
Mark:He needed to break.
Scott:That's a bad joke. That was, that was forced.
Mark:I got one. It's worse than Maroon five. Okay, you're ever.
Lou:Welcome to Der Bingle.
Speaker 5:That was the Bingo.
Scott:Oh, you know where you are.
Speaker 5:You're in the big go home baby oh six.
Mark:Oh six, everybody.
Speaker 5:Welcome to the Bingo.
Scott:I go on, mark, I'm sorry, I 22. Sorry.
Speaker 5:Memories.
Scott:Bear naked ladies who I just can't stand. I never liked them.
Mark:They did a version of Jingle Bells. That is so ill and rage. You just hear a stupid jingle Bowie, it's a it's. I hate the name because they were obviously a frat. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know I don't know, I don't know. I hate the name because they were obviously a frat rock band, all those like those stupid names that came about in the 90s, because they were a holiday, you know, yeah, oh no, they're talented.
Mark:I don't care. I've never heard a song from them I like. But yeah, jingle bells. If it comes on the radio, turn it off.
Scott:Turn it off, just any Christmas song by John Popper or blues traveler. I fucking can't stand that guy's voice.
Lou:I can't, I can't.
Scott:There was a vest full of harmonicas and was a stupid fucking Australian at. Are you kidding me? This guy's like oh, and then he got skinny and no one liked him anymore, Did he really? Yeah?
Mark:Yeah, the best they all do.
Scott:I remember that comedian, janine Garofalo.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:Little girl kind of cute. She used to make all these fat jokes I'm fat, I know I love being me and all of a sudden she got skinny.
Scott:Yeah, like she got skinny she wasn't, she was cute. She was kind of like adorable type cute. Yeah, but yeah, she got skinny all of a sudden. They all use the fat thing as like how hard. Look at me. Even today, you know all this fat shaming that you see, these girls, these guys that wear in the half shirts and the belly saying they all want to be skinny.
Speaker 5:They all want to be skinny.
Mark:I got a belly.
Scott:Have you ever wanted to be fat? No, and I'm not going to have my belly hanging out. Exactly.
Mark:I get dignity for XL t-shirts, you know while you are six, eight anyway.
Scott:So, whatever, you are six, four, yeah it's true.
Mark:Oh, I think my shirt size six, oh yeah, yeah, oh, my brother.
Scott:my brother called and said you know, you are that perfect guy to just stand behind somebody and just not, you know, not say a word. Just don't try to fight, you'll blow the whole cover. And I'm always saying that because you self admitted you're not a fighter.
Mark:Right, I'm not, but I've had situations that have diffused, I think because of my height. Yeah.
Scott:Absolutely so. A friend of mine just said that to me recently. He's a big kid, he's from Buffalo, he would recently got in this kick. He's like I'll kick your ass. Okay, I'm like do you really know what you're saying? Don't say it, so I don't take you up on it. He just kept saying and then I gave him the Mike Tyson line. You know, okay, that's good, Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth, Yep.
Mark:And to see how it works Right. It hurts to get punched in the mouth, it really hurts to get punched.
Scott:And he says to me I go, you serious? He goes, I'm not serious, he goes, I've never been in a fight in my life. I go what the fuck are you talking shit to me for? Then he goes it's fun because I get a reaction idea, but I'm not fighting. I'm not fighting, I go. I said you've never been in a fight? He goes, I never had to. And I said why haven't you? He said because I get loud. He's like you are big guy, right, yeah, and he gets the crazy eyes and he gets loud and people like all right.
Scott:All right, dude Relax.
Mark:When I was in my early twenties and I worked at the cassette CPI loop, I used to that term bitch slap, right, that was big in the eighties and nineties I went a bitch. I would say that to everybody. We had a guy in shipping, rich. He looked like Greg Almond. He didn't care what he did in life, he was no angel, no, he was grizzled and he was actually a friend of mine. But one day I said I owed a bitch slap People. Before I knew it I got it like the like the Will Smith slap, that kind like right on my cheek. Oh wow, Right away my cheek was swelling up. I couldn't feel my cheek then and for like two days everything was swollen and I never said that again. I never said don't say those things around people. I learned like this.
Scott:So you said I should bitch slap you to him all the time.
Mark:Hey, I'll bitch, slap you. Well, he obviously was drunk. He was always drunk. So he's like don't he got me, but it's the perfect where the just everything. Yeah, I bitch, slapped you and I went. Oh yeah when you said that friend of yours said I ought to kick your ass, Be careful.
Scott:Yeah, that's all I said. Yeah, that loud thing works until you run into someone like me or somebody else that doesn't work on us.
Mark:I've never been punched, but I've been slapped. Yeah, it doesn't work. It doesn't work.
Scott:Now I'm not saying listen, this dude that I look at, I'm like I might think twice about that one. You know I have a friend, he's like you. I said but he's a, he's a dude, he's a fucking tough motherfucker. I go yeah, this is very few people in the world I think twice about. You're one of them. He's just a big fucking dude.
Lou:Sometimes it's the little guys.
Scott:Oh, I get it. I get a couple of friends that were like that.
Lou:We had a roller skater and this guy my dad was a professional wrestler. There was no lightweight and this one little guy he was drunk. But I took five guys to hold this crazy son of a bitch down and it was hard. I was 13. I watched it and I'm like geez, I was out of his mind. But I mean, my dad had him down and I did four other guys or two of them could to keep this little Tasmanian devil down.
Scott:Yep, that's what it is. That's the apparent Rolling Stone has. This one is the worst song. They were moving to movies we get into Christmas.
Lou:Did they change the lyrics of baby is called outside? Did they do the verse?
Speaker 5:I don't know.
Scott:Don't get me started.
Lou:Exactly I want to know, I want to know.
Scott:Do they know? It, says the group, mostly not that one Isn't that? Where is the one? Here we go. Inspired me. I'll give me the worst song of any kind ever recorded. Oh, look at, this is Rolling Stone. If you can judge a song's badness by the amount of annoying, internet takes it. It's inspired. Baby is called outside is arguably the worst song of any kind ever recorded.
Mark:They have a good point, because some songs are good and the remakes are all shitty.
Scott:I mean, I generally say in this song in general is maybe it's called outside is one of the worst kinds of songs ever.
Mark:It's horrible. Hey, say good night to Todd, please. Todd, I'm still counting, yes sir.
Scott:Yes, sir, I'm home. Good night, gentlemen. Merry Christmas, scott, you owe me $57.
Lou:$57 of his five bucks, it's more than that 57 times.
Scott:I think I got off. I got off light with that one that was this is right home.
Mark:I'm going from 57. Todd.
Scott:All right, big head, Todd the wet sprocket, you know I love you, buddy. We go back a long time and it was because of him I ended up in the Philippines. So I am always indebted to you, my friend, and have a wonderful Christmas with you and your family up in the hills of Sacramento. It's nice and cool Christmas weather up there. And be safe, my friend, and we'll talk after Christmas. So is he gone? Is he gone?
Lou:I think he's gone. I like his profile picture?
Scott:I don't. The only reason I keep him fucking on is because he thinks I like him. He watches, he watches and he listens to the podcast. So I kind of keep him on the hook. You know he's a download. That's what I look at. He's just a download.
Mark:Oh, so you're like those musicians. I hate their fans, I do. I treat him like shit. Well, I try to treat him good, but I don't really mean it like, like Richie Blackmore would say, I will only do an encore if the audience deserves it.
Scott:Oh, he heard time, I was only kidding.
Lou:Todd, I'm kidding, throw another dollar on that.
Scott:I was only kidding. Yeah, I love you, buddy. I do, really I do. He just said I heard that. No, you didn't. That'll get deleted from the podcast. I'll do. I will do a rare edit. All right, let's move on to movies. Let's get on the movies. Um, I'm going to start this one off. My computer is my laptop. I have too many tabs open, I think.
Mark:Yeah, I'll do it.
Scott:Um, my favorite Christmas movie. I watched it again today. It came out in 2019. I cannot stress this enough to watch this movie. Uh, it's on Amazon. It's like 299 for to get it. Uh, a Christmas Carol. Uh, fx, the FX channel had it right.
Mark:It's on Hulu. It's on Hulu.
Scott:Yeah, but Hulu, I you know what. See fucking the prices on Hulu now.
Mark:Uh, it's for free. I got, I got Hulu and it's it's.
Scott:it's available on the I tried to log in and they're like if you want to, you have to switch over to an like a new payment thing. It's like 81 bucks a month.
Mark:I'm like I got. I got it for free through AT&T I get fucking bent.
Scott:I'm not taking that, but you can get it on Amazon for 299. But, uh, a Christmas Carol it has. It is an absolute, absolute classic. It's it was. It was shown over, shown over three nights in 2019. So it's it's chapters to it. Who plays embodies, or?
Mark:Scrooge again.
Scott:I forget his name.
Mark:English yeah.
Scott:Uh, let me see, look it up. While I'm talking about a Christmas Carol, fx, this talk about origin stories. This gives you the whole origin of why Molly is wearing all those chains. Uh, what really happened?
Speaker 5:to.
Scott:Ebony's a Scrooge to make him, uh, as miserable as he was. Uh, it's just an amazing, it's done so well and they pull no punches.
Mark:I love the origin story.
Scott:I love it oh yeah, they pull no punches on this. They, I mean, they drop F bombs left and right and it's dark. It has very dark undertones to it. But it's a great story and there are a couple of moments I mean, even though I know it's coming, it chokes me up because it's so well written. It's just so well written and you got to see it a Christmas Carol on FX and I know everybody has seen the George C Scott version. That used to be my favorite. The Patrick Stewart version, the original uh, I forget his name Uh, black and white old British guy, uh, all the versions. But this is the best version of that story that you'll ever see. I trust me, you will not go wrong with this.
Scott:It's Guy Pierce who plays the great actor?
Mark:Excellent.
Scott:Yep, Yep and uh, so that's my favorite Christmas movie. Uh, Christmas Carol. Fx on FX.
Lou:Uh Lou Marks of the Wooden Soldiers. Babes in Toilet.
Scott:Babes in Toilet. I you know what? I haven't watched that in 20 years. Right, I did.
Lou:I did this year, um, but you know that was something that we played on Thanksgiving, I remember that yeah, yeah. That was your warm up for the Christmas season, right.
Scott:You know Thanksgiving.
Lou:Right, you know it was at 1934. I was very clever stuff. You know, the the bogeyman, the little hairy wolf man, like creatures that were scary, and you know the soldiers themselves were kind of eerie, but we're very cool, laurel and Hardy, you know, definitely a classic.
Scott:I might watch that tomorrow.
Lou:It was. It's a great movie.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, maybe I'll watch that tomorrow.
Lou:Yeah, the music's good, the singing's good and you know, well made.
Scott:Yeah, yeah.
Mark:What else, mark? I got the this. My son turned me on to this the 2015 version of Krampus with Tony Colette and Adam Scott Krampus. It first of all, krampus is done so good, creepy, really Creepy. But it's got an undertone of fucking hilarious comedy and it's dark and they do a little bit of the origins on that one of how Krampus came to be.
Speaker 5:Okay, and um. I highly advise it.
Scott:Text it to me.
Mark:Yeah, I highly advise it. Give it a whirl. Um, you know, it's just. I love a movie that can be scary, a holiday movie and funny at the same time, and people dying it.
Scott:My daughter. All she watches is Christmas horror movies like Christmas Evil or Santa Evil, it's all she. I was texting her these, like I'm finding these, these titles, and she's like I just watched that yesterday, l O L. She's the sweetest girl in the world. If you met my daughter, you she's a wonderful girl, wonderful woman and uh, she's sweet and she's nice, beautiful smile, beautiful girl. But she I don't know where she she got that dock side to her Like she paints and she paints some crazy shit, man, but she's really good at it and she watches like loves horror movies, you know like hey, does she ever sell her artwork?
Mark:She's thinking about it, but let me know, I like dark paintings.
Scott:Oh, dude, I'll show you one of them, and this was the first one she did, and I was like, even my, my kids were fighting over my stepkids Like they wanted it. It's as creepy as it gets one. It's very creepy. Painting Cool, but I'll send it to you, I'll show you a picture of it, yeah, but, uh, uh, my turn, yeah, so this came out in 2019 also, and it's uh, it's a. It's a animation, um, hand drawn animation, not digital, right, it's called claws claws with a K K L A U S and it is such a great story, it's so good. I have to watch it again, actually, uh, but it really is, it's. You know. You think, oh, it's a cartoon, it's an Anna. No, it is so well done, it's so well done.
Scott:There's kind of an origin in there too. Okay, yeah, a kind of a something that you probably won't expect it, but, um, yeah, really, really really done. Well, so close, k L A U S yeah, blue.
Mark:Uh, Santa Claus versus the.
Scott:Martians.
Lou:So that came out in 64.
Scott:Is it 64? Yep, yep, love that movie. Never saw it so weird.
Lou:You never saw it. No, Dude, that was like one of the do you ever watch mystery science theater 3000?
Scott:Yeah, this, that was like a classic for them. They showed it every year. Yeah, showed it every year.
Lou:To think of this big lips thing.
Scott:Oh yeah, On the machine Right.
Mark:I wonder what Spanguli would do.
Lou:I mean that that are the best lips of all time.
Scott:I think that's like now, was that in Santa Claus versus the Martians or was that in the movie Santa Claus?
Lou:I think it was Santa Claus versus the Martians, no.
Scott:I think that was in the movie Santa Claus. Really Tim Allen, that came out 59.
Lou:Oh, it's an old movie.
Scott:It was a Mexican. That was a Mexican. Yeah, he's up in the, he's up in space. There was. It was I. I, because that's on my list, and I. I watched the, the previews again today and that's the big, the machine with the big red lips, and it looks Okay.
Lou:Yeah, that's Santa Claus. Yeah, that was just called Santa Claus, yeah.
Scott:So I know, I know my, I know my weird Christmas movies.
Lou:I know. So as far as lips go, there's better than Carly Simons Now because hers are real.
Scott:Now, if you want to go into a sex toy thing, sure, sure.
Lou:Absolutely, why not?
Scott:It looked like that was kind of there was a little in your window in that too, like the way they show it and they close up on it and then, yeah, it gets into the shape. The mouth goes into that. She's like, okay, they snuck that one in past the censors.
Lou:Unsuspecting kids.
Scott:Unsuspecting kids.
Lou:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's about past standards and practices, in the 50s too, I guess there was there was there was no rating yet, so you could get stuff passed.
Scott:Well it was. It's very, very innocent, but you know, like if you're an adult, you look at it, you go huh.
Lou:Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.
Scott:Um, so yeah, do you want to talk about Santa Claus? Can I give you a little breakdown on that?
Lou:Or yeah.
Scott:So that was actually the first. Now this is a trivia question. Um, santa versus the Martians was the first Motion picture to ever document, mrs Claus.
Lou:Hmm, she was never in anything before, nope.
Scott:And then three weeks later, uh, ranking and bass, uh, santa Claus has come root off the red nose. Reindeer, right, yeah, that one, and that's the second time Mrs Claus was, uh was, referenced. So one was in the movies, one was on TV, but Santa Claus versus the Martians was the first documented sighting, and in motion picture, uh, of.
Mark:Mrs Claus, that must have pissed you off, because they were being inclusive. You must have hated that. Why are they putting Mrs Claus in here? You must have gotten.
Scott:So no, there was a uh, there was a Mel Gibson movie about Santa Claus. I think it was on Netflix, of course, and Mrs Claus is black as coal, so I had a problem with that.
Speaker 5:So what? Why not it was?
Scott:because you can't, you just, you just race swapping Mrs Claus, just to do it. How do you know, santa? Why not create a new character? How do you know?
Mark:she wasn't a Japanese or Chinese, you don't know.
Scott:We don't know, we haven't seen her.
Mark:She's a white lady, she's up. You go, get a picture on a Polaroid camera and bring it back.
Scott:Go up to Mrs Claus.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:One of her in her underwear.
Lou:So you kidding me this is creepy. I looked at Santa Claus in the 1959 movie. It's called fantasy horror. Yeah, it's actually Santa.
Scott:Claus versus the devil, and it's the devil. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fantastic. So that movie, I'll get to that movie because I have that one, but Santa Claus versus the Martians. The premise of it is the kids on Mars are watching too much. Parents are concerned that the kids are watching too much. Uh, human TV, and this one radio, this one TV station, kid TV, uh, does an interview with Santa at his workshop in North Poland. It just mesmerizes all the Martian kids. So the king of the Martians and his wife, the queen, decide that they're going to kidnap Santa, but they can't because there's too many of them. They go down there and it's like you know, macy's Santa Claus, salvation Army, santa Claus. They don't know who's the real Santa Claus. So they kidnap two, two kids, two, two earth children to to so they can find who the real Santa Claus is. And then the wackiness begins.
Mark:What was the name of the movie? The official name.
Scott:Uh that, so that's Santa Claus versus the Martians and my father for Christmas. God has those pop guns, lou, you know they shot the. They shot like marshmallows or something, except this shot like little. Uh, ping pong balls Poop poop.
Lou:That's pretty cool. It was nothing. It was not the Johnny red cannon. So was that what that was called? Probably, I know. Okay, I'll show you a picture. Yeah, that's for Mark. I don't know if it's going to come across here.
Speaker 5:Yeah there he is From.
Scott:that's now that's the 1959 Santa Claus verse. His name is Patch.
Lou:And that this is just some Santa Claus from 1959.
Scott:Yeah, but it's also known as Santa Claus versus the devil.
Mark:That was another name.
Scott:That was another name, it went under.
Mark:Actually the Santa that's right.
Scott:Yeah, mexican fantasy, I know it's right.
Mark:The 1964 one was called Santa Claus Conkers the Martians.
Scott:Santa Claus, Conkers, the Martians.
Mark:Yeah, that's what it is how to get it right yeah.
Scott:Well, if you're going to look for it right, you don't have to have the right name.
Mark:I'm going to watch this.
Scott:So, uh the thing with Santa Claus on that, too the thing with the 1959 Santa Claus or Santa Claus versus the devil is. Um, it was filmed in Mexico, so you have some dubbing also. It has that kind of odd. You know that back then you knew it was a foreign movie, right, yeah, um, santa Claus versus the Martians wasn't, but uh, yeah, so also in Santa Claus versus the devil we'll just refer to it as that you had Marlin the magician was in it too.
Scott:They had it all in that movie and you see the preview, if you ever watch the preview. The reindeer literally stuffed animals with eyes that move back and forth. It was so cheap, but it was so bad, it's good, it was so bad, it's good. And actually Lucifer is trying to kill Santa Claus. Yeah, yes, he's trying to kill him.
Lou:He's trying to kill Santa Claus. That to make the children of Earth do evil. Lucifer comes to earth Kill Santa. And well so so the guy that Lucifer sent was named a pitch pitch.
Scott:Yeah.
Lou:You know this Trotsky.
Scott:Yeah, yeah. Well, there's some. Uh, there's also some nutrition there.
Lou:Trotsky was murdered in Mexico.
Scott:The real. Oh, was it yeah.
Lou:Yeah, trotsky's ice pick. Ice pick Wasn't on the band.
Scott:Oh, okay, hey, I got.
Mark:I got something for you guys the trailer ends.
Scott:Hold on one second. The trailer for that and the movies ended by saying uh, saturday and Sunday, matt Nays, only in a theater near you. They're like, show them on Saturdays and Sundays.
Mark:Do you want a mock? Santa Claus, conkers and Martians had a 10 year old, pia Zadora.
Scott:Yeah, pia Zadora was in that, that's right, wow.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:Yep, and that movie was shown for a long time on uh, on I forget what channel was, like HBO or something, and they had a run, one of these big uh stream not streaming at the time, but uh for a while it was. Uh. That was like one of their staples of Christmas. You don't really see it anymore, though.
Mark:You guys opened up a whole new world to me, and movies here.
Scott:Oh, it's so bad. Santa Claus, conkers and Martians is so bad. It's good, it really is, it's. It's enjoyable. You know what it is? It's just entertaining. Sure, it's a happy, funny Christmas movie.
Lou:And I don't remember being wigged out by that stuff. I don't remember seeing Santa Claus versus the devil, though.
Scott:No, well, that was kind of. That was a weird one, like I said you got. Well, how was Marlon the magician come into that plate, right, but they wrote him in they wrote him in there.
Lou:I do remember that so it's a big childhood memory, yep.
Scott:So what do you got, mark, any other?
Mark:Uh, I'm going to give you I got a lot of funny ones, but I'll tell you that I just in honor of my son, the second movie we watched together, because he really likes this. Uh, what was it called? Oh shit, the one um. Oh shit, the one um. Oh, my god, I'm gonna screw it up. The woman, tom Hanks, doing a polar express, that's a good movie. I like it. I apologize, no, no no. Aerosmith ruined it.
Scott:Well, we kind of ignore that one. So every since, let me see, since I met my, my now wife and Young Amanda was probably, I don't know Six, seven, just turning seven, and She'd never had a Christmas before. Because they were raised. They were raised Jewish, because the father's Jewish in the whole thing, and so they came over my house for the first Christmas Eve that they've ever had, right, and my wife was Catholic, she had just converted for the marriage and since all that, but along with him and and so we watched the polar express at my house and she loved it.
Scott:My stepson loved it, you know, my granddaughter was there, was this, this thing. So ever since then, every Christmas Eve, we watched the polar express for the last 11 years.
Mark:We do too every.
Scott:Christmas Eve and at one point they start and we have like Rocky horror, the certain parts in the movie. We all yell something out like at the same time. But right, when they get on the train and they're about to serve the hot chocolate, amanda has to stop. We stopped the movie. They go and make hot chocolate. She's 19 and she still does this. They make the hot chocolate, then they come back in. Everyone gets their hot chocolate hit play again and we all drink the hot chocolate while they're on the train.
Scott:And One Christmas Eve we actually they have like they have a bright line here in Florida. It's a train system, right, and they had and it was. This was around the country. I think they did it and they I think they still do. They have a polar express when you get on this car and it kind of it's all decorated on the inside just like the cars from the polar express. It doesn't have the dining tables but the windows are all kind of look like a snow scene, like a side, and the train moves but you kind of disorder. You don't know because you can't see outside, but it's only moving like 30 yards down the track and it's kind of. But you feel and they come in and they Re-enact like every scene from the trains Wow, and it's like an hour-long thing, and they have people dance in, they got a whole thing.
Scott:They get the conductor, the guy, the place, tom eggs, yeah, and then you get a gold, you get a ticket, and everybody gets a bell. Hmm, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Nice, yeah, it's very well done. We did that on Christmas Eve, so we actually, and then we went home and watched the movie.
Mark:The scene that I like the most. That hit me just as because the way they directed it is when the kids Actually are way like Santa's gonna come out and you feel like you're there. The tension is mounting. All the elves are like where is he's gonna come out? Then, when he comes out, the kid can't really see, cuz they all climb on top of each other. So you see the shaky image of Santa threw a bunch of legs and everything, and you really feel like you're there. Yeah it's very well done.
Scott:So what I do is it's up on the, it's always up on the big screen behind me, right? I think that's 82 inch screen and I have the Bose, the bottom, the Bose system, right, nice. And so when the train starts to pull up in front of the first house, they all know everyone blocks ears cuz I crank it. Ah, fucking shakes the whole house and they're, like I said, it has to be realistic. You know it's coming, so just block your ears. But it's got to be. When that train first pulls up, it's got to be loud. Yeah, you know, you got to feel it, and I dropped the temperature in here to like I don't 59 degrees and you know. So it's all the old, it's a big thing, it's cool thing.
Scott:Yeah, um, let me see my turn. Yeah, you know what I liked it was. It's kind of an odd Christmas movie, but the nightmare before Christmas.
Mark:Yes.
Scott:It's. It's kind of an odd story. It's not really a Christmas movie but it is. You know it's it's putting there because it has Christmas in it. It is related, but it's a good movie.
Mark:It is very good it's a good movie yeah.
Speaker 5:I got.
Scott:Luke.
Lou:It was not a movie, it was always is a special was the John Denver Rocky Mountain Christmas. Oh yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Lou:And actually he had a Christmas song. It's called one of the worst. It was daddy, please don't get drunk this Christmas, please.
Mark:Don't talk about. I didn't get drunk, but it was a joke played on me, that just yeah.
Lou:I was. There was. I had a drink knocked down, the tree fell on the ground and oh, and I'm sober. I just didn't like John. I was like wow, this sounds like a real downer. But yeah, I did like his Christmas special in that little dome thing he had, nor the yep out on the snowy field, but um.
Mark:Good memory asping asp, asping low. That's a great song. Yeah, all right, mark, I'm gonna go with Um Bad Santa, just trashy. I loved it.
Lou:Is it Billy Bob Thornton?
Mark:Yeah, yeah, I didn't say, oh, you guys see it. Yeah, I Just I won't even say anything about it, but it's just, it's not gonna shock you, but it's just very good. Billy Bob Thornton can go low Like nobody else.
Scott:Oh, absolutely, Absolutely all right. My screen's gonna go a little bright right now, because I'm gonna have to. I'll pull something up here and that's what you said. Oh, hello, see, there it is. So this next movie Actually have a Review. This? Bring it over here, then I'm gonna pull it up on the screen. Hold on one second, there we go. So that, so I'm gonna pull this up and go over here. Yeah, so I'm gonna put it down up there. I'll put it there we go, we should have ran a commercial during that time.
Scott:I know, right here it is. Here it is, but the next movie. I, my daughter, gave me this today. She gave me this there you go, oh.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:Fragili fragile a. That's right, julie. So for the podcast, listen as I just pulled up a picture of the leg lamp from Christmas story right that my, my daughter, gave me. It's a late birthday present and I literally have it in my window.
Mark:And you can see it from the street. Is the doctor gonna accidentally knock it down? It's hilarious, yeah.
Lou:Yeah, jealous is on top of a freezer, that's on top of a freezer yeah yeah, you can't get more trashy than that.
Mark:Nope, nope I slid.
Scott:I slid it out, you know it. I'm gonna show you something inside. It's hilarious. I had to pull that out from underneath the counter. Right, it slips underneath. So I might as well. Just if I'm gonna be trashy with the lamp I'm gonna be I'm just gonna have it sitting on top of a freezer so when you're on the outside you can see the bag, the label on the back of the freezer.
Mark:Oh, the coils and everything.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, and I see.
Mark:I see fake Florida snowmen in the background.
Scott:Yes, yes you see that, right? It's not cool, right? All right, hold on, I'm gonna give you another view of this. Let's see, oh mama, it's an award. And what was it he said, it's a major award.
Mark:It's a sweet steaks, I think yeah, I was so.
Scott:All right, let me get this. There we go. So I'm gonna pop another picture right now. This is hilarious. Let me get that one down. Yeah, all right, here we go this one down. This is what it looks like from the outside.
Speaker 5:Do you have a?
Mark:comment. You have a board of directors that, like you, have a.
Scott:I do, I do I might get called before. Oh well, they can eat shit there. It is from the, from the outside looking in. So I'm gonna say a Christmas story. I mean it's an absolute. Now we're gonna get we. I don't know if we're gonna have time to do the worst Christmas movies, but there is a Christmas story to I saw it a Christmas story.
Scott:Now number one. What's his name? Frankie, is that the kids name Ralph? Ralph is 16, yeah, and the parents that play the parents are like the younger than they were in the original, I know like there's no continuity to it and they just insert, like they regurgitate Jokes from the first movie, that the bullies in the neighborhood and you know punching in the snow and all that. Yeah, yeah and they make so the kid has to stick his tongue on something just like the first one which?
Scott:sticks it in a tube or something and it was.
Mark:I think it was direct to video or some streaming.
Scott:Yeah, I went directly. Yeah, the porn actor actually in their sequels.
Lou:He actually become the porn actor, because that's what he did what's that? The kid that stuck his tongue on the thing, and the first one he went to porn. Oh, did he. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
Scott:The only the only saving grace about that is that Darren McGavin had been dead six years. He'd been dead six years when that came out, so he didn't have to suffer through that and watch his iconic Christmas character.
Mark:Yeah, come back as the night stalker, though he was a whole nother show he was.
Lou:he was great, though you know I didn't see that movie until I was dating my son's mother what a Christmas story. Yeah, you know. I'm the last one my family have children, right. So I was 45 when almost 45 was so important. So we're at my mother's house for Christmas and they're watching like. Also, the movie came on everyone's like oh, christmas like 24 hours of Christmas yeah. What is this? And my mother, she looks, she goes. What is wrong with you?
Scott:What is wrong with you was right.
Lou:Yeah, I know, I'm like what she goes. You never, I said.
Mark:So there's another thing about that movie I every year I go I am sick to death of this movie. I'm not gonna watch it. And then you start watching.
Lou:You can't come on watching it. It's, yeah, yeah, it's eminently watchable 24 hours of the Christmas.
Scott:It's always on the background Christmas morning at my house.
Lou:Always in the background and wait for me. Guys drinking wine in the morning and I am like Darren.
Scott:I am a turkey junkie.
Lou:Yeah, I fucking love turkey. Yeah, the hounds. What was the neighbor's name?
Mark:What does he say when he's in the basement? He's cursing. How do they have a come out? I can't remember.
Scott:It's always like this distorted mama said.
Mark:Mama said remember that, yeah, I would?
Scott:Ralphie knocks the lug nuts out of the heels In the look on his father's face. Get back to the car.
Lou:Did you guys ever have soap rubbed in your mouth? No, yes, yes, I did yeah, it's it. Fucking nasty man.
Mark:My parents.
Lou:What? What happened with you? I?
Mark:Pissed off my grandfather.
Lou:So he did it.
Mark:So I haven't. I had an Irish side. In the German side, my German Grandparents were loving and warm, and my Irish Grandmother was very warm and loving, so was my Irish grandfather. But when you pissed them off, the cold Irish came out. And let me tell you something there's no punishment like an Irishman's punishment, and it was in Vermont and it was a cold night, and I'm sitting there with soap in my mouth and I'm home sick. I wanted to be home in the middle of the woods. Jesus, lou, that's he. Zion has nothing on that.
Lou:I was in our swimming pool and I wouldn't let my younger brother and I don't have. I kept him out of the pool because I would. He would have the advantage I don't have a match to keep out of the water. He unscrewed the garden hose gun thing. Well, I mean, he was probably eight years old, lucky throw, he's right, hit me in the head and knocked me out. Oh, I woke up under Wonder water so I got him all. My father saw him as better when I had him on a grand is beating this shit. I'm comb. Every MF everywhere.
Scott:Also, that's all my dad's like in it, like in a Christmas story.
Lou:So he dragged me up to the bathroom and half a bar of ivory soap, is it?
Scott:just like the mother did, yeah, oh.
Mark:What did I do, though, to get the in my? I said to my grandfather's leave me the fuck alone. He was yelling at me.
Lou:All right, one more movie, lou. Let's see the Grinch who stole Christmas. Okay, all right, I'll take that yeah cartoon the cartoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the Jim Carrey one.
Scott:Which was, which was funny.
Lou:It was funny, yeah, yeah.
Scott:I have no, no problems with that movie.
Mark:Plains trains and automobiles.
Scott:Yeah, that's a hot warmer.
Mark:Yeah, I want a fucking car, right fucking now various, various.
Lou:There's some classic funny thing, man. Yeah, those are pillows.
Mark:Yeah.
Scott:I'm gonna end it with it's a wonderful life. I mean, you can't a wonderful life. It's a great movie. It's just a great movie. No matter how many times you've seen it, it's a great movie. Yep, you know the rush is coming on the bank, but you still watch it.
Mark:You still go through the whole thing with them you know he's gonna fall in the water in the pool.
Scott:Yeah, that was a. That was a Barrymore, john.
Mark:Barrymore.
Speaker 5:Drew's grandfather, grandfather yeah.
Scott:All right, let's get into, let's go. You know what? I had one more movie. It's called the Christmas. That almost wasn't. Do you hear of it? Yeah, it's, it's it. My father took us to see this movie. It came out in 66, so I was three and I remember seeing this movie. It was an American, italian production, so there was more dubbing in this. Now the premise is Santa owes rent to Phineas T prune, right, he owns the building where the toy store, toy shop is. He owns the whole thing, right. And a broke lawyer named Sam Whipple meets Santa and Sam and Sam Whipple is like he's this child at heart twice not a good lawyer, it's whippo.
Scott:That's what yeah, whippo, mr Whipple here's the story said and decides to help Santa and they get a job at a department store when he plays Santa and he has to raise the money in two days and it's it's like this, really it's so. It's one of those weird Christmas movies, yeah, and the guy like there's a really really mean it's, it's their version of Scrooge, right, but the Christmas that almost wasn't yeah you know, you Google YouTube the trailer and you'll see it's kind of, it's kind of weird, yeah.
Scott:But all right, let's move on to, let's go, let me see we'll kind of start wrapping this up, or at two hours now, best selling Christmas holiday singles ever. Now, this, this is kind of interesting, a lot of this shit. So what do you think? The number one Song is single Christmas.
Lou:Christmas holiday. All I want for Christmas is you, yep.
Scott:Really 14 times platinum. Wow, she says printing money. This time. Yeah, yeah, really. Yeah, like it is just rolling in forever. Yeah, then you have Brenda Lee rocking around the Christmas tree. 1948. All I want from Christmas was 94, but it had a resurgence, like in the last ten years for some reason. Hmm, because it was, it was. It's been around since 94, but it hasn't Been like I don't know, for some reason, the last decade. It's really heavy rotation.
Mark:They got rediscovered or something or the record company just pushes it again.
Scott:They keep pushing it. It's, it's working. Brenda Lee rocking around the Christmas tree. I like all notes version Rocking around the Christmas tree.
Mark:Yeah, it was good. Yeah, they're.
Scott:They're version of jingle Bell. Jingle bells rock.
Mark:Oh, that's what I'm thinking of.
Scott:I'm sorry, yeah, I was gonna say I didn't know that they did a rock and roll the Christmas and it's disturbing to see John Oates and his pajamas playing. Dude, that is. I'm just gonna say that's. That's a very gay video. Not the wrong with it, it's just they look like partners. Maybe that's why they're partners.
Lou:They're very gay album cover.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, yeah and then not I mean, but it just watch. The video is very kind of like that's my partner. They're very happy together, it's. It's an amusing video, though it really is like again light and just kind of corny Right campy. Yeah but Number three when to know? This one came out in 2013. Do you want to build a snowman 그런? Jason Bellاجitha Lim On Kd Lopez label from Walt Disney Records. Four times platinum.
Speaker 5:No.
Scott:Number four is mistletoe by came out in 2011 by Justin Bieber three times platinum. I know I, here you go. Luv from 1963, 1963, the next one on the list Christmas baby, please come home, darling. Love. Three times platinum. Yep, time's fine, uh. Next one is sleigh ride from 63, the Ronettes three times platinum. Uh, what's this one? Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Yeah, at number seven, last christmas, whim two times platinum should be number one from 84, again another one that prints the money.
Scott:Yeah, uh, then you get like in 2019. Uh, like, it's christmas, the Jonas brothers 2018. Cozy little christmas, katie perry, that's actually.
Mark:I don't mind that song but you know what you see, what you see in scott, I think last christmas was the last really good original christmas song, because nowadays a lot of new songs are coming out, they don't have covers not that good no, they're not that good.
Scott:Yeah, but it is what it is. Uh, then his in 2018 uh, the piece of shit. What christmas means to me? John legend all right, leave him alone but it's featuring stevie wonder, so, who had a pretty bad christmas song himself when he was younger I should get the name of him, but it was not good.
Scott:Uh, 2017. Uh, trip relax. 10, 10, 10 seon, but I think it's dead now. Uh again. Oh, christmas, carol. All right, then you start. You know you get all these. Uh, let me see snowman, my sea. Uh, you make it feel like christmas. I actually like that song. 2017, you make it feel like christmas. Quince defany, blake shelton yeah I actually like that song. That's one that's kind of picking up steam every yick. It's a little more, seems like it's a little more popular it's like shelton, the guy that was on the voice with her.
Mark:Yeah, yeah, he's a funny guy. He really is.
Scott:Yeah yeah, country dude right yeah, uh then you get into 2016. Hallelujah by uh petotonics. I'm not listening to the acapella I like the linard cohen yeah, not linard cohen.
Mark:Um, no, well, the guy that died, what was his name? Uh, the guy that covered it in the 90s oh, uh, uh, uh.
Scott:What's his name? Yeah, I know you're talking about yeah, that's the one I like yeah, everybody likes that version. Yeah, uh, 1994, mariah carry baby, please come home christmas. So that's down, that's see. So she has the number one and she has, like, the number 12. So good for you, maybe I like mariah was.
Lou:It was that the one the eagles covered?
Scott:no, the bells are ringing yeah, called up please come home yeah, okay I don't really like that song I don't know.
Lou:Yeah, it doesn't really like this. I liked it, it's all right.
Mark:It's all right, it's okay, it's agreed with you guys like 10 times tonight wow let's see.
Scott:Then we get into mariah carry, again on the list. Oh holy night. That album, though, and the one right before.
Mark:I'm sorry that album hark.
Scott:The herald angels sing gloria in excelsis uh yeah she's, she's on this list, like for so christmas time she doesn't have to do anything, but it's an amazing how she was. She was this little petite thing that she grew up to be a thick girl uh, christina aguilera same thing, like little petite, thing, then she thick as fuck help remember the whole christ christine versus um who's the?
Mark:one that britney spares, britney spares christine was hands down a real singer.
Scott:I'm like why are you comparing it to you know, hey, don't, don't fucking back talk, don't bad talk, britney baby I will, because britney is I.
Mark:I mean, uh, christine is actually talented say hey, now have you seen britney spares lately? Who cares how she looks, how she sounds, she goes.
Lou:Mama na, na, na, na, na na I don't care what, she's, just dumb as a brick she still looks good as elbow blue.
Mark:That's an insult to bricks.
Scott:Come on she still looks good as hell. I don't know what you say you see the picture.
Lou:She burned her gym down. Did she really well? Any angle she brish, she'd fucking burn for her good for her, but I like mariah.
Mark:I know mariah is a diva, but I like her too.
Scott:Yeah, she calls people, she calls her fans, her, her, her lambs yeah kind of weird.
Scott:Whoa, uh, let me see, and you know this goes on, but I think we got the the top. Those are the top, uh, those are the top. Christmas, uh, best-selling christmas holiday singles. So this and that's by the n? I the r I a a certification. But then you have the best-selling christmas holiday singles by nielson soundscan and again, all I want for christmas, like mariah, do you want to build a snowman? It's basically the same songs. Yeah, um, justin beba, brandy lee, what do we got down here? Oh yeah, then you have physical singles. According to the most recent rec? Uh record album certifications, the holiday single title with the highest r?
Scott:I a certification is elvis presley's 1964 blue christmas uh, blue, we totally miss this one, and I know why. Uh, this in 89, this one's for the children funky, funky x-mas. New kids on the block. Oh boy, I missed that one. It only hit gold. It didn't hit platinum, it only hit gold. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Let's see what else. And that's it for that. Let's move on to this day of music. Let's start wrapping up our christmas show. Gentlemen, stop wrapping this up. Let's get through this and let me see. Let's start out with nine and read these, so uh on this day december 20th 19.
Scott:Let me see. No, let's go with 2021. American r and b. Sing a paul michael died uh with the floaters. He had the world ride smash hit 77. I love the song.
Mark:Float, float on I got floaters, float on, float on.
Scott:I had those the other day. Uh, let me see. On this day in 2020, uh, british musician chad stewart died from the monia following a fall. He was one half of the duo, chad and jeremy a while gave him a monia wow from the monia following a fall.
Mark:That's what he says he was laid up in bed probably yeah yeah, uh summer song jeremy said
Speaker 5:one a year old on this day, on this day in 2013.
Scott:David richards, the producer who worked with david bowie, queen, iggy pop and others, died. Uh, we see, included richards lengthy discography. Uh, co-production credits on bowie's. Never let me down the buda of sub burby, uh, oh, outside. He also worked with queen's last four albums.
Mark:So he was with bowie during my personal favorite period, that late period, which is fascinating, fascinating uh, let me see.
Scott:On this day in 2006, ian helperin claimed that michael jackson was close to death. The rolling stone magazine writer said jackson was suffering from a rare lung condition and needed a lung transplant. He also claimed that the singer had lost 95 vision in one eye and was so ill he could hardly speak. We'll never know. 2006, m&m. Who cares? Uh, 2006. On this day, matthew fischer, a founding member of proglaharum, won a high court battle over who wrote this song a white, a shade of pale.
Mark:It was a classical composer. It was a classical composer.
Scott:It was based on a classical piece okay fischer, who played organ in the 67 hit and argued he wrote the distinctive organ melody. But mr justice blackburn ruled he was entitled to just 40 of the copyright rather than the 50 percent he was sinking well, that ain't bad, that ain't bad the court decided lead singer gary brookers input was more substantial and fischer's claim for back royalties of up to one million pounds was also rejected.
Scott:For almost 40 years the song had been credited to the lead singer, gary brooker, and lyricist heath reed at least he got something.
Mark:A lot of people in the 60s got screwed dating getting any royalties yeah, yeah, uh, let me see.
Scott:On this day in 1999, readers of uk guitar magazine voted no galaga the most overrated guitarist of the millennium. I don't know about that, he's a good guitarist, he is, he's very good. Jimmy hendrix have voted the guitarist of the millennium with devon is never mind winning best album. It's arguable. But that's one magazine. Uh, let's see. On this day in 1986, the bangles started the full week run at number one in the us singles shot with walk like an egyptian, uh, with. Strangely, all of a sudden they edited out donald trump in that video.
Mark:Good, if you watch the video they also pulled him out of home alone yeah, I'm sure by his request. He was in, he was in home alone yeah, uh, low kevin's, uh, the one in new york, that one they all loved him, blue, when he was a democrat.
Scott:They all loved him.
Speaker 5:They thought he was the greatest thing and then all of a sudden he's like you guys are crazy I never did think you guys are crazy.
Scott:And then they were like we hate you I never liked them.
Mark:We hate you. You remind me of someone I went to school with.
Scott:That's why it's personal well, he did a good job running the country. So look where we are now. Anyway, on this day in 19, yeah, look where we are now. If you're living a good life mark, then I want to know what you're doing. I don't know.
Mark:All I know is a corned beef cost 36 dollars now four years ago, it was 21 buy a pound of baloney and be glad you had some food my brother loves baloney, me too fucking loves it good.
Scott:Uh, on this day in 1986, the house minds were number one in the uk singles shot with their version of the isley brothers caravan of love. On this day in 1980, 12 days after john lennon was shot dead in new york city just like starting over, which was taken from his double fantasy album, gave the form of beetle, his first ever uk solo number one. Well, if he didn't die it wouldn't have been number one, I can tell you that's true, imagine was not a number one or not, like nothing you.
Lou:There's other big singles of the seventies. There weren't. There was no number one UK hit Nope.
Scott:Wow, paul had more number ones than yeah.
Mark:And that pissed off.
Scott:Yeah.
Mark:That pissed John off. I'm sure Ringo had a bunch of number ones. We're going to water, yeah.
Scott:Yeah, uh. This day in 1974, former James gang in barnstorm guitars, joe Walsh officially replaced Bernie Leedon and the Eagles after producer Bill Sismick uh, and recommended Walsh to the because.
Mark:Bill produced his Joe Walsh's albums. Yeah, and you know what I love, bernie, but what a replacement. It changed the band, but that was perfect. It's like Ron Wood coming into the stones. It was you know. Yeah, yeah, ron, yeah.
Scott:On this day in 1973, American singer Bobby Darren died at age 37.
Speaker 5:One of the first.
Scott:Yeah, one of the first teen idols. He had the 1959 number one uh hit with Dream Lover, plus 20 other US top 40 hits during the sixies, including Mack the knife. Yeah, what did Steve Martin win? The shock.
Lou:That's right and he got on the operating table.
Speaker 5:I can't do that, you can't do it when I can only do the lights.
Mark:I do the Leonard D Moy you hit him, you hit a bad heart.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, I think you see uh, he worked on the ladders 68,. Uh, darren traveled with Robert Kennedy and worked on the 68 presidential campaign. He was with Kennedy the day he traveled to Los Angeles on June 4th 68 for the California primary. Darren was at the ambassador hotel later that night when Kennedy was assassinated.
Mark:Lou Lou uh, professor of a tallow rock history, was Bobby Darren, part of uh, a certain mafia, so did he get helped by them, like some other singers or I know?
Lou:nothing. I heard to him, I'm sure Okay.
Speaker 5:Cause he's hanging out with the anything about that either, yeah.
Lou:Did you see the movie? Uh, beyond this, it was a beyond the sea. No, um, kevin Spacey. No, it was good, he was really good at it.
Scott:Okay, yeah, uh. This day in 1969, peter Paul and Mary went to number one in the US singles shot with leaving on a jet plane. John Denver wrote that song in 66. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and original title was I don't know. Oh babe.
Lou:I hate to go. Well, ever hear his version. No, really nice.
Scott:Uh, let's see on this day, in this version is better than daddy. Please don't get drunk on Christmas, on this day of 1969, the Rolling Stones went to number one of the UK album shots with their 10th release, let it bleed, featuring midnight rambler. And you can't always get what you want. It was the last studio album by the band. The feature Brian Jones would died on July 3rd of this year after drowning in a swimming pool as well as the first to feature guitarist Nick Taylor. They were never better.
Mark:That kicked off my favorite hour. Yeah, yeah, absolutely I agree.
Scott:Oh, this day in 1968, the Beatles 6th Christmas record. The Beatles 1968 Christmas record was sent to fan club members in the UK and the US and included the song nowhere man sung by tiny Tim.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Scott:He's a real no man. It's got the A yeah.
Lou:Santa's got the A's the nurses are sad. Santa's got it bad I can listen to that for the show. You hear the whole thing.
Scott:On this day in 1967, folks in a, joan Baez, was sentenced to 45 days in prison after being arrested during an anti-war demonstration. On this day in 1962, the Osmonds appear for the first time on NBC TV. Andy Williams show the brothers performed I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas.
Speaker 5:Jesus.
Mark:They did them well, you can't get more correct than that, andy Williams and the Osmonds.
Lou:Yeah Ding dong doofus. What is going on this day?
Scott:in 1958, John Lennon, Paul McCartney and George Harrison appeared as the quarryman at the wedding reception of George's older brother, Harry the event was held at the Harrison. Harry Harrison was held at the Harrison family home at 25 Upton Green. So my friend Phil Kelly has a buddy who bought George Harrison's how one of his houses over in England and now rents it as an Airbnb.
Scott:Yeah, Wow, oh is it it's in Liverpool, I let me see. So I want to go to Liverpool. That's my dream. Give me 10 seconds and I'll pull up. Where is it? Probably asked a lot of money for it. Here we go, townhouse, and speaky, speaky.
Lou:That's PEKE, right.
Scott:Yeah, yeah, george Harrison's former three bedroom home in Liverpool.
Mark:OK, yeah, I have a dream 137 a night?
Speaker 5:No, let me see.
Scott:Is it 137 a night? Yeah, you know, I have a dream. It's not bad.
Mark:I have a dream of taking my son going to see Anfield that's where Liverpool play and just seeing like going for a few days Liverpool, that's well rent George Harrison.
Scott:He lived there from 43 to 2001.
Mark:If I go, I'll get you to get me the listing.
Scott:Yeah, I'll text it to you, yeah.
Mark:That would be awesome.
Scott:Five guests, three bedrooms, three beds, one bath Figures. In England they only have one bath In between. Everyone in the house has one toothbrush.
Mark:Anyway, moving on, With no water pressure.
Scott:Moving on Born on this day. Let's see Born on this day in 1966, Chris Robinson from the Black Crows.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Scott:Uh on. Born in this day in 1959, jackie Fox, bass player for the all teenage rock band the Runaways. Oh. Born in the day in 1957, anita Ward you can ring my bell.
Speaker 5:Ring my bell.
Scott:Ring ring ring. Born in this day in 1957, english singer, songwriter and left wing activist, billy Bragg.
Mark:Man that thing he did with Wilco. That was a great album.
Scott:He wrote New England, the 1985 hit for Christie McCall, who is the singer in a fairy tale of New York with Shane McGowan. Let's see Born in this day in in 1948, alan Parsons. Wow, he's getting up there. I don't think we have to talk about him. I love Alan, I love it. Let me see Born in this day in 1945, peter Chris that's known as the drummer for. Chris, yeah, born in 45. Yeah. He's up there 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 90, 90, 95, 2015. Yeah.
Mark:Yeah, he's up there. He's older than Alan Parsons, just let that sink in.
Scott:I know right, uh, and finally I always do. The last one born in this day in 1944. Bobby Columbia.
Lou:Oh, let's win tears.
Mark:There you go, and Lou, we have a mutual friend that knew him. Remember, john?
Lou:John Scaffa.
Mark:Yeah, he tried. He was working on selling him a song or something when he had that band he was supposed to hit a big. Oh, okay, wow, I said he was a dick.
Scott:So, gentlemen, uh, I hopefully I'm going to have a new outro, because there's one that's already embedded, and it will uh say now, uh, look great, so turn tables. Produced by Scott McLean, co-produced by Colin McLean, luke Lickio, mark Smith. Wow you guys again production credits. Uh, jack's out here, sorry Jack. He's been hanging around with the last 37 shows. He hasn't been here Very Christmas.
Lou:Jack, can you draw the?
Mark:contract. I just got a product.
Scott:I got a co-producer credit.
Mark:I'll suck my ass in.
Scott:I'm ready.
Mark:Thanks, all right.
Scott:Well, gentlemen, listen. Great show as usual. And, as I always say, thank you for your time, thank you for your knowledge and, most of all, thank you for your friendship. I appreciate all of them, but I appreciate the friendships more. Uh, I want you guys to have a great Christmas. I think you will. And uh, are we going to do a new year's show or do we want to take?
Mark:I might be busy because I'm off that week and I might be traveling around, so but we'll see. I'll see. Yeah, let me know.
Scott:Wednesday or Thursday, whatever's good for you guys. Lou, you'll be done with your rehearsing.
Lou:I'm pretty yeah Good, we had Lou back. We're going to get a steady.
Scott:Thursday night we didn't have the whole professor.
Mark:tonight we had half the professor. I thought he did good.
Scott:Why? What did you notice? He was missing?
Lou:Yeah, yeah. Mark says I'm slipping. Wow, I think I think this production credits already gone to his head, so he's going to stop giving you guidance, you're going to get flashbacks, his name come before mine on the production credit. Now S comes after.
Mark:C. That's right. That's to go alphabetical.
Lou:It has a saying properly Plus it's an age thing you got to hang out.
Scott:I've seen you already on either.
Lou:Can I have a? Can I have a? Uh, just do one quick shout out on the show.
Mark:Absolutely. For me, this is reveling. I mean Watson, merry Christmas. Okay, All right, and then tomorrow, when you post this, I'm going to send it to her. Okay, excellent, excellent.
Speaker 5:Merry Christmas.
Mark:Eileen, merry Christmas, just pull the YouTube video. I always say happy holidays. Pisses are off, so Uh, anything you guys want to say before I do my outro. Very good, I'm going to go ahead and do my outro.
Scott:I'm going to do my outro, I'm going to do my outro. I'm going to do my outro. I'm going to do my outro.
Lou:I'm going to do my outro Merry Christmas to all.
Mark:To all a good night Can I read a quick quick, quick quick, do whatever you want buddy.
Mark:Nicholas was older than sin and his beard could grow no wider. He wanted to die. The dwarf, the dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns, did not speak his language but conversed in their own twittering tongue, conducted incomprehensible rituals when they were not actually working in the factories, since every year they forced them sobbing and protesting into endless night. During the journey, he would stand near every child in the world, leaving one of the dwarves invisible gifts by its bedside. The took the children, slept, frozen into time. He envied Prometheus and Loki, sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher. Ho, ho, ho.
Speaker 5:Is that what that's, neil Gaiman?
Scott:There you go there, you go, my nice.
Mark:Christmas dedication.
Scott:Well, everybody, thank you for watching, thank you for listening. I always appreciate your time, I appreciate you input. You are the engine that runs this machine. Without you, it would just be me talking to Mark and Lou, and that's that's not a bad thing. Sometimes, although we text more than we talk, you like talking a little better than me.
Mark:I know that. I know there we go. It's a food thing, it's a food thing.
Lou:I know Sparkling conversation.
Scott:Yes, and doing the show for you guys. To quote my favorite artist, marcy, and I'm wearing his Christmas shirt. Yeah, marcy, christmas shirt. The pleasure of the privilege is mine. I hope everybody has a wonderful Christmas. I hope you have a. So what is it at the end of the Greg leg? I wish you a hopeful Christmas.
Mark:The Christmas you deserve.
Scott:Yeah, In the Christmas you deserve, have a wonderful Christmas. I hope everybody's healthy and we'll be back next week, Hopefully, with a end of year show, which is happy. But it's this sad aspect of who we lost this year too, so we might just jump right into that and that'll, you know, we can talk about the different artists. You know that we lost and you know just kind of pay homage to them, Maybe what's that?
Lou:I'm going to be dressed as a New Year's Stork baby. I'm going to be wearing a big jacket.
Scott:Wait, you're not going to be wearing your neutral colors, no, I'm going full flash, man who's? Going to come out with a disco ball shirt next week. I'll show him.
Lou:I'm a suit of lights. I'll show him David Hasselhoff.
Mark:You're going to be a stork on absent. There we go.
Scott:All right, everybody, Merry Christmas and we'll see you next week.
Lou:Bye.